The Uchiha Mister Blossom
by angel puppeteer
Summary: SasuSaku It's a jutsu gone stupidly wrong. And now, the last Uchiha not technically the former Uchiha Sasuke is now... Miss Uchiha Sachi! Goal 1: in progress. Goal 2: Tada! He’s going to be a mother!/UNDERGOING REPAIR.
1. Oh! The Wonder Boobs!

_Standard disclaimer applied. _

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**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

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**Chapter 1**: Oh! The Wonder Boobs!

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Ah. Of course, like any other story, this started with a bright sunny-sunny day! But the sun— much to Uchiha Sasuke's surprise which he hid very carefully— started to giggle. Onyx eyes blinked twice, and then his eyebrows met in the middle.

_I'm not dreaming…_ He thought. _A sun does NOT giggle. Tch, whatever._ But alright, since he's Uchiha Sasuke, he shrugged it off and continued walking towards the bridge where he and his best friend (or rival) always meet for morning spar and training.

He casually leaned against the railing, his eyes closed. He was already 19, part-time member of ANBU (since Tsunade still thought he was still TOO young to be a full-time in which he replied" "I'm TOO young or you're just getting TOO old?" Of course, Tsunade was not someone to receive insults quietly. She smashed her table into halves and screamed DAAAAAAA!), handsome, sexy…_beautiful— _ah, the typical pretty nice-ass boy. But he's a cold fish, a human ice berg and he got some bad attitude (that's it, according to Naruto). And yet, what was so good about him?

He's delicious— like yummy chocolate cake with strawberries on top. And he's strong— stronger than the elephant. And he never shrieks. And if a boy NEVER shrieks, that means he's one hot alpha male.

It's been 4 years since Naruto and Sakura brought him back. _Tch. I've been too soft—_ he thought bitterly. Sakura had used her ultimate weapon: her tears.

He sighed and opened his eyes. _What the hell is taking dobe this long?_ He asked angrily when:

"OHAYOOOOOOO SASUKE-TEMEEEEEEE!" loud, energetic— too loud fro a boy— came rocketing towards him in full speed with dust trailing behind him. "OY!"

Grunt. "You're late."

The blonde grinned. "Heh, sorry," he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

The Uchiha grunted again. "Let's start."

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Naruto kicked him hard and Sasuke was not impressed. He retaliated by punching Naruto's nose and side kicking him.

"Grrrr…" Naruto growled. Sasuke was good— so good— at taijutsu. So he decided to use his special technique.

Sasuke back flipped, narrowed his eyes as Naruto made seals.

"HAH! Prepare to die!"

Sasuke lifted his brow.

POOF! The smoke cleared and—

Sasuke felt his precious eyes bleed; his body went numb with shock. "WHAT THE FUCK—"

A naked well-endowed blonde woman with er—BIG boobs that made Sasuke cringed was standing in front of him, winking at him.

:wink:wink:

"I love you—"

Ah, Sasuke's virgin ears exploded and blinded with horror, he _screamed_:

**"KATON GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU!"**

Naruto released a high-pitched scream, released the jutsu and dodged the abnormally huge firball.

"YOU ASSHOLE! Are you planning to kill me?" Naruto shouted.

"YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE, BAKA! Why did you use that jutsu on me? My eyes—fuck, they burned." Sasuke was still traumatized. Seeing a naked woman with such…ahem—unbelievably large chest circumference was traumatizing. And to know that it _was _technically, Naruto— once just cannot imagine the shock Sasuke had.

Plus, he or "she" said: I love you. Sasuke shook in rage. HIS EARS EXPLODED AT THAT SHIT! Only one girl can say those words. And only _from_ **her** he will greatly appreciate it.

"Che!" Naruto, now normal, crossed his arms behind his head. "You DID enjoy the view— don't deny it!

"BAKA—"Sasuke gave him an uppercut. "The boobs were hideous."

Naruto was flabbergasted. "HOW DARE YOU!" He's right. How dare Sasuke. Everyone LOVEEEEEEEED his Sexy no jutsu appearance. Everyone drooled. Everone lusted after him. EVERYOOOOOOONE.

"And you're fat." Sasuke pointed out harshly, sneering.

"WHAT! DAMN YOU! My body's perfect!"

Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, his posture arrogant. "You don't look sexy enough to seduce a man." He said.

Naruto's jaw dropped. Not sexy enough? His Sexy no jutsu? In his eyes, Sasuke's head had grown too big for his body.

"GAAAAAH! You asshole! How dare you insult my most powerful technique! That is the perfect image of a sexy fucking hot woman!" Naruto yelled, very upset. EVERTOOOONE was supposed to LOVEEEEEEE his Sexy no Jutsu! EVERYOOOOOONE!

"Che, Moron— your boobs have no nipples."

The poor blonde boy was…well, shocked? "YOU STINKING ASSHOLE— MY SEXY NO JUTSU IS PERFECT!"

Sasuke was still unimpressed. "No."

"FINE! **YOU** — DO — IT — THEN. SINCE YOU'RE ALL **GREAT AND MIGHTY!**"

Sasuke raised his brow. "Che. Is that a challenge?"

"You're so full of hot air, teme! You act as if you have all the richeeeees and womeeeeeeeeen in the world! You can't go around flaunting just because you're SASUKE!" Naruto yelled on top of his lungs.

"Tch. No problem." Sasuke said.

"Show it to me, teme."

"Hmph." The Uchiha made the Sexy no Jutsu seals.

POOF! The smoke cleared to reveal…

"Oh well, you looked cool! But your boobs are too big—"Naruto said.

"Hn? Fine."

POOF!

"How about this?"

"WOW, Sasuke! THAT'S AWESOME!"

"Hn."

Sasuke had transformed into a beautiful woman with nice breasts— not too big or too small— long silky black hair that went past to his hips and clear milk-white skin.

"How did you come up with that body?"

Sasuke blinked. "Um, inspiration." A mental image of Sakura in bikini flashed before his eyes.

"What? Hey, wait a sec…your body looks a lot like Sakura-chan's…" Naruto said thoughtfully, his eyes fixated to Sasuke's "breasts" as he remembered Sakura in her black two piece bikini.

"WHAT? Why did you think so?" Sharingan flashed dangerously. "Have you seen Sakura…naked?"

Naruto chuckled behind his hand. "Hihihi…I tried to peek once but— OWWWW!"

Sasuke kicked his leg.

"OWWW! I'm joking, man!" Sure, Sasuke transformed to a girl but his strength remained intact. "Jeez, go back to your real form. It makes me sick."

"Baka, you said it's awesome." Sasuke snapped, making a seal. "You're just jealous because I can do your special technique better than you."

"Hell no! No one beats the original. Fine, your boobs are great but mine's bigger." Naruto pointed out.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Hideously big,"

"SHUT UP! Undo the jutsu now!"

"Aa."

POOF!

The smoke was a shade of pink.

"Okay! Let's resume our spar, Sas—what the hell! I told you to undo the jutsu. I want to train."

Sasuke looked down. He still got "his" boobs. He made a seal. "Kai."

POOF!

Sasuke remained a girl.

"Sasuke, if you're trying to seduce me—"

Red eyes with black commas flashed dangerously. "GO TO HELL."

"Then why the hell aren't you canceling the jutsu, eh?" asked Naruto frowningly.

"I'm TRYING."

Naruto scowled. "Use the tiger seal to cancel the jutsu."

"Okay."

SEAL

POOF!

The smoke cleared and Sasuke still got his wonder boobs.

"Shit—what the hell is wrong?" Sasuke growled, getting frustrated and…nervous.

"Do it again." Naruto, too, was getting…nervous.

SEAL

POOF!

Naruto paled visibly under his orange track jacket.

"Oh no— Sasuke— I think—"

"Fuck." Sasuke growled under his breath, glaring down to his oh so wonderful boobs.

"Uh no…you're—"

Sweat rolled down to Sasuke's face. "I'm stuck."

"— now a girl. I mean…you're going to be a girl FOREVER!"

Sasuke gulped. "No shit…" he was sweating now. Sweating hard.

"You're stuck to THAT body…uh, wait till Sakura-chan hears about this." Naruto was looking so terrified at this. Sakura-chan will KILL him! No, she will skin him alive, pluck his eyes out or worst, and shave his hair off…

Sasuke…poor beautiful and sexy Sasuke… How the hell will he resurrect his clan with Saku— no, no, no, no…DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. DON'T THINK ABOUT SEX. But no shit! He can't go OUT with Saku— no, no, what he meant was…well, what was he trying to think anyway?

But as he looked down to his chest…not flat anymore, he can't stop thinking about Sakura. Not because he fashioned this body after Sakura's but…because…

Well, you just can't marry a person of the same gender, can you? Even though you're a MAN inside…

"Sasuke…what now?" asked Naruto apprehensively. Sakura-chan will definitely castrate him!

Sasuke remained looking down to his "breasts".

"Boobs— I have boobs. No, MY BALLS WENT UP TO MY CHEST!" he screeched.

At least, he kept his voice so Sasuke-ishly deep and manly.

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Thanks for reading and please review! Thanks so much! World peace : ) 


	2. Duh! The Uchiha Sasuke LOVE Affair!

_Standard disclaimer applied._

**_Cold Fire Phoenix_**_ hey! You're cool! Yep, I'm aware of it (shrugs) but I have no time to re-read and re-read chapter one but yeah, it's my responsibility (got hit by a mallet) but I'm buuuussssy hahaha, maybe you can help me find a beta :) thanks so much it was really nice of you to REALLY read the story and yeah, I love birds… And yep, milk and cookies? That's the IDEA! You got it! I was eating cookies and drinking milk when I typed chapter one… and everyTONE…it was a typo error. (sweatdrop a stupid typo error hehe)_

_**infinite-einghel **hey, you're also cool! Of course, you can draw sa-chan's reincarnations! She's not my property or whatever! In fact, I will be super super happy if you DO draw them! But I want you to TELL me where I can find your drawings! jeez, and there's no need for crediting, really, I don't go for publicity anyways :)_

Thanks for all the reviews! Have fun!

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**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

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**Chapter 2: Duh? The Uchiha Sasuke LOVE Affair! KABOOM!**

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Sakura was happily skipping. A wide, almost idiotic grin was on her face but she's beauuuuutifuuuuul. Yeah, sure… don't want to get hit and fly like superman, eh? Tsunade-sama had given her a day-off and she thought it was a good idea to train and spar with her teammates.

FLASH

A sexy image of Sasuke in bikini— ahem — in a brief (drool drool woooo) made her blush. However, the image was wiped off (erase ERASE!) by her mini-Sakura minions (who were screaming PERVERT!) and was replaced by a heavily scowling Uchiha Sasuke with a matching 'you're annoying' look.

She sighed sadly. He hadn't changed. Though he hardly looked at her with a scowl, he was still cold and taciturn. She had stopped from bugging him…

That's because she stopped being a fan girl: squealing, drooling, screaming, flapping, twirling, Hershey squeaking and ogling fan girl.

She's Haruno Sakura! The girl who punch like a rhinoceros!

She reached the bridge and happily jogged towards the training ground. She was 10 meters away when she decided to greet them.

"OHAYO, SASUKE-KUN! OHAYO, NARUTO!"

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"OHAYO, SASUKE-KUN! OHAYO, NARUTO!"

Her Hershey-chocolatey sweetie pie voice rang in the air and Sasuke (with arms crossed over his boobs) stiffened. Naruto, in the other hand, turned into a stone, his jaw dropped to the ground. But amazingly, he was able to manage a wave.

"O-HA-YO-SA-KU-RA-CHAN-"even his greeting was in robot-style. Sasuke smirked. The blonde was shaking from head to toe, blue eyes pale and wide that they almost popped out from their sockets.

"What's wrong, Naruto? And Sasu—HUH!" Sakura was suddenly in front of Sasuke. Large green eyes blinked up at him. Sasuke gulped, a trickle of sweat rolling down his jaws as she gaze up at him, her face too close for comfort (hell, he can see the silvery spots in her eyes, that's HOW close they were).

"You're Naruto's girlfriend?"

Naruto howled in horror.

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And howled again as Sakura's fist came crashing to his skull.

"OH MY GOD! SHE'S NAKED AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN COVERING YOUR EYES, YOU PEREVERT!" she screamed, launching her leg to give him a kick in the balls but Naruto blocked it with a wince. Sakura-chan sure was monstrously strong.

"Sakura-chan, it wasn't—"

"I KNOW SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND WELL, YOU GOT TO SEE HER NAKED ONCE IN A WHILE BUT TO LET HER STAND BEFORE YOU NAKED– OH KAMI, SHE'S NOT EVEN WEARING PANTIES — IS HORRIBLE! YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU? DO YOU? AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE OUT WITH HER (at this Sasuke turned green) AND STOOD UP SASUKE-KUN!"

"Sakura-chan—"

"TURN AROUND NOW! OH KAMI— I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SUCH A PERVERT— OGLING AT A WOMAN'S BODY LIKE THAT!"

"Sakura-chan, I've seen a lot of naked women—"

BAM!

"OH MY GOD— I WOULD NOT LET YOU TOUCH ME! **_NEVER_**!"

"Whaaaaat? What I meant was I've used Sexy no jutsu so many times already—"

"DUH! GO TO MY APARTMENT AND GRAB SOME CLOTHES! AND DON'T EVER_ EVER_ STEAL A BRA FROM MY CLOSET OR ELSE, YOUR BLONDE HAIR WILL BE AS RED AS YOUR BLOOD!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Scared shitless, Naruto dashed to Sakura's apartment.

Sakura sighed, tired from shouting like a banshee. Turning back to the onyx-eyes woman, she smiled. "Um, miss…I'm sorry if I'm…uh, intervening with your love affair with Naruto—"

Sasuke was shaking, his face— oh so beautiful face — was now so green, as green as the grass. He wanted to shriek— _hell no!_— to shout (he's a man after all, a man! A man!), to shake her and well…he could not kiss her or else she'll hit him.

"Are you alright? Your face…it's a little green…"

As a matter of fact, he was close to vomiting blue-green puke.

The pink-haired young woman leaned closer to Sasuke who strategically tipped his head back. "Miss, are you okay?"

Oh mighty birds and planes. If only Sakura knew. Sasuke was crying great purple tears inside _WHAT ON EARTH DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? I want to go back to my NORMAL self! NOW!_

"Oh, please… Don't tell me…" Sakura's sad voice brought him back from his self-dug grave.

Dark eyes blinked down at her.

"…you're mute?"

Sasuke's eyes widened. _IS THIS SOME KIND OF…VOODOO?_

Her green eyes were twinkling with sympathy and sadness. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I was tactless…" Sakura bit her lip. "I didn't mean to be so rude. I'm so sorry…"

_They're right._ Sasuke mused. _She's too soft-hearted._

Sakura gave him a pretty half-sad smile and tentatively touched his long hair. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Sasuke fought the urge to flap his arms and shriek like a duck…nut he's UCHIHA SASUKE! An Uchiha doesn't flap his arms nor…shriek. He's one hot alpha male.

"And you're tall. As tall as Sasuke-kun—"a flash of raw pain crossed her eyes but they were gone as fast as they appeared.

_Because I'm Sasuke, got it?_

"You have the same eye color too and the same beautiful hair." She added, smiling.

What? He? Beautiful hair? He has chicken butt hair.

"And both of you are very pretty." A laugh escaped her lips at this.

Sasuke blushed _prettily._ Sakura considered him pretty? He felt something tugged at his heart. Her candid admiration was cute. Some girls looked at him like an eye candy to devour or a god to worship whose feet was so off the ground. But to Sakura…

He's just a pretty thing. A pretty thing she could not…touch.

She withdrew her hand and looked over her shoulder. "What's taking him so long? He knew my apartment _by heart_ so he won't get lost. And where's Sasuke-kun? He should be here by now…" she looked over the bridge but no sign of the stoic boy.

Sasuke fidgeted in front of her. _Sakura was not that dense, was she?_

Sakura looked back at her, concerned. "Are you cold? Gomen— Naruto was sometimes forgetful. It's impossible for him to get lost. He does to my apartment every night to eat dinner with me—"

"**WHAT?"**

Sakura was startled. The _supposed _mute girl spoke. BUT…

"Eh?"

But Sasuke was F-U-R-I-O-U-S. Furious as hell…

"YOU EAT DINNER WITH THAT DOBE EVERY NIGHT?" he bellowed, grabbing her by the shoulders. "AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME?"

Sakura was dumbfounded. _What the…what is this! WHAT IS THIS?_ She gawked at her— at "him". The beautiful dark-haired girl…who was supposed to be mute…who was supposed to have beautiful FEMININE voice…

Sakura struggled against the _girl's_ grip but…she (or he) was strong.

"WHO ARE YOU!" Sakura shrieked, horror-stricken. Kami…what the hell is going on here? Naruto's girlfriend was acting so so so _so_ weird. And it was like…an alien thing…yeah, alien thing. Whatever.

Was Naruto's girlfriend…an alien thing? Or…what? WHAT? WHAT?

Suddenly, there was a…

Grunt.

Sakura gasped. _That grunt!_

"It's me." The girl said. Sakura was again…_hoho?_ She stared open-mouthed at the girl.

Sasuke grunted again. "Sasuke. I'm Sasuke."

GONG! Something went off behind Sakura, a frying pan suddenly appeared and hit the back of her head creating a loud gong-like sound.

She stared down at Sasuke's…chest blessed with…ahem— and the painful thing was, they were bigger than hers.

"But…but…"she stuttered.

And to Sasuke's horror (_manly _horror, he insisted), Sakura looked down THERE.

She turned a sick color of yellow.

"The balls?" Sasuke said flatly.

She jerked, her hair standing up in the end.

"Che. It's up here." He pointed at his "breasts". "And if you're looking for the…um — the _protruding_ thing — well, it's gone." He said as if his man-power-commando had just taken a break somewhere.

"OY, Saskura-chan! Sasuke-teme!" Naruto came, brandishing a black miniskirt and a tight tank top in the air.

"Oh kami!" She gasped and fainted.


	3. Oh Baby!

Standard disclaimer applied.

Dobe- dead last

Kami- god

_Thanks very much for reading! Please review! Thanks a lot!_

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**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

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Chapter 3: Babe, you're a Bombshell!

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"WAAAAH—"Sakura woke up, sitting upright, arms up in the air. Her dream (or more likely, a nightmare) was so weird… Green aliens had invaded earth and they were… Uh, what happened again? Oh yeah, the aliens started to plant green trees and green peas and green leafy vegetables… and then KABOOM! The earth became clean and green. Then the dream changed. This time, orange aliens came to invade earth… and they planted orange oranges and orange trees and orange shinobi goo… then purple aliens arrived… the orange and purple aliens broke into a veggie war…using kunai and shuriken… then KABOOM! The earth broke into halves and she saw pink bunnies flying everywhere… yes, everywhere…

"Sakura?"

Pinkie bunny pinkie bunny… yeah, whatever…

"Sakura." The voice was deep and manly… Then her other dream came back to her… there was a girl…with breasts…but her voice— Sakura stiffened.

"Sakura."

"Oh yeah…I dreamt that Sasuke-kun wore my polka dot bikini and he has long silky hair and he has boobs and— _WHAT_?" she shrieked the last word.

Grunt.

"Noo… thank Kami-sama it was just a dream…" she mumbled.

"Sakura." It was familiar.

"Ye—"she gaped. "Oh kami…no…" her voice was thin. A beautiful dark-haired girl was glaring down to her.

"Oh my god…" she whispered. "This is NOT a dream…"

Grunt.

"Sakura-chan, hey—"

She turned to the blonde, wide-eyed. "Naruto… and—"she looked back to the glaring dark-haired girl. Sakura pushed her face forward towards the scowling girl until her nose touched the other girl's nose. The medic-nin looked closely to those dark eyes.

"…oh kami…" she whispered and Sasuke shivered, blushing slightly.

"You ARE Sasuke-kun."

"Hn." _Isn't it obvious?_ Duh.

"I know those eyes."

Sasuke's eyebrows rose. _My eyes?_ "Well… if you're done staring…" He gave her an irritated look that obviously meant: get the fuck off. Sakura got the message and instantly drew back.

"Ops…sorry…" Sakura stated as she studied him. He now wore a tank top and black miniskirt that showed off great attractive legs. With a grin, she said. "Wow, you looked good."

"Shut up." Sasuke snapped, crossing his arms as he looked away. He'd rather die than to look in a mirror and discover that his great balls of fire was gone, replaced by…uhh— Sasuke's face became beet red—

_HELL NO. _Sasuke swore that he'll _never_ look down… never…never…oh kami. Just the feel of the breasts weighing him down was…atrocious. But the thought of wearing a _miniskirt_ was the worst…

"Well," Sakura's voice interrupted his morbid thoughts. "What happened?" she directed the question to Naruto who fidgeted under his green gaze.

"Um, he tried my sexy no jutsu—"

"And it's NOT supposed to be permanent, isn't it?" Sakura interrupted.

Naruto's hair stood up rigidly. "Of course! It s NOT permanent! I've used it a million times and well—"he shrugged exaggeratedly. "—look at me— I _don't_ have boobs."

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched menacingly until his creamy milky shoulder shook.

Sakura winced. "Got it. But Sasuke-kun…"she waved a hand at Sasuke's direction. "Did something go wrong?"

"You can't expect me to LOVE and remain being a girl, can you?" Sasuke hissed. "Of course, something DID go wrong."

"Jeez… chill, Sasuke-kun. Don't frown so much." Instead, Sasuke's beautiful face contorted angrily even more. "Ummm, let's see… Naruto, perform your jutsu in front of me."

"Oh… 'kay," Naruto shrugged and stood in front, hands formed in a seal. POOF!

The smoke cleared and Sakura cringed. The female Naruto sure looked blessed. Such an insult to all woman-kind.

"Dispel it."

POOF!

Sakura frowned, seeing Naruto's boobs were all gone. "You can dispel your jutsu and return to your normal self…but what happened to Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke snorted in the background.

"I dunno. Something must have gone wrong along the way." Naruto replied with a shrug.

Sakura sighed heavily. "What should we do?"

Sasuke straightened up. "Go to the Hokage, of course."

"Oh no… too bad for you, Sasuke-kun because Tsunade-shishou gave me a day off today!"

"So?" he asked scornfully.

"—and a day off tomorrow— and a day off for the day after tomorrow and another day off the day after _that_ day and another—"

"In short?" Sasuke cut off with an eyebrow twitching.

"She'll be gone for a month!"

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It took a moment for the information to sink in.

"WHAT?" and when it did, Sasuke could not help but growled at her like a big brown bear. "No fucking way."

"Where is she going, Sakura-chan?" asked Naruto.

"To the Sand Hidden Village. Temari-neechan's wedding is in the 17th of this month but Tsuande-shishou has to stay there for a while to study the Sand Village's medical techniques." Sakura replied faintly.

"How long is _'for a while'_?"

Sakura shrugged, smiling weakly. "I don't know…"

"Shit." Sasuke hissed. There's NO frigging way he'll stay like…_this._ "I have to be back to _normal_." He growled.

Sakura's face twisted into a defiant look. "You made it sound like a bad thing." She huffed, crossing her arms and pursing her lips. "Being a woman is NORMAL, if you haven't notice." She added with a snort, lifting her nose in the air, her chin up. Sasuke's lip twitched upward in an amused half-wicked smirk.

"We can ask Kakashi for help!" Naruto suggested.

"Kakashi— _help_?" Sasuke snorted.

"You have no choice then," Sakura said, still a little disgruntled from Sasuke's remark. "You have to wait for Tsuande-sama's return."

Sasuke groaned. "In this…_body_?" _THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME._

Well, it _was_ happening.

"Ne, teme— it would not be TOO bad." Naruto said, suppressing a grin.

"Baka." Sasuke snapped. "Now, I have to wear a skirt." _A miniskirt, _his inner self corrected.

This bit of reality brought out a loud laughter from Naruto. "Sasuke in a skirt! Sasuke in a skirt!"

"Shut up or I'll chop your head off!" snapped Sasuke.

"HAHAHAHA! Well, okay, I'll stop—"Naruto said, clutching his side, trying to keep his face straight. "But—"Sasuke gave a deadly glare that meant death. "…well, stop looking at me like _that._ But you have to hang out with Sakura-chan from now on or else… everyone will assume that we are going out!"

Sasuke sneered. "Sakura had the guts to ask me about OUR love affair, moron."

"WHAT!" Naruto's face became vivid green in disgust.

"Sorry! I didn't recognize it was Sasuke-kun! He didn't even talk to me!" Sakura exclaimed defensively, cowering under Sasuke's glare.

"Brrrr! That was disgusting, Sakura-chan!" Naruto's voice had become high-pitched. "I WILL LEAVE NOW BEFORE I THROW UP AT SASUKE-TEME'S FACE!" he screamed and FWOOOSH— Naruto practically rocketed to Ichiraku with dust trailing behind him.

Sakura sighed and looked at Sasuke who sulked sinisterly.

What should she say?

"Cheer up, Sasuke-kun!"

Ops, wrong words. Sasuke shot her a look of pure menace.

"Ne, don't sit like that—"her eyes widened ten times its normal. Panicking and blushing, her hand shot towards Sasuke's bent leg and pressed the knee down to straighten the leg.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, his cheeks turning warm. Sakura had straddled his long legs, her hands clutching his skirt.

"Naruto…didn't give you underwear, did he?" Sakura whispered weakly, blushing furiously as she pulled the skirt down.

"Get off, will you?" he muttered sharply. Man, even though he was a girl exteriorly doesn't mean he lost his _male _hormones.

Sakura gave a shuddering gasp. "Oh kamiiii— that idiot… oh no, oh no…" Sakura was paling and in her horror, she closed her eyes. "_Oh no…_"

"What's your problem?"

Her startling green eyes snapped open. "You're NOT wearing a bra!" she whispered fearfully.

"A _what?"_

"A BRA!" she practically yelled it to his face. "You know! The thing that supports the breasts!" she added frantically, pointing at her own chest.

_Oh yeah_. He remembered. He saw Sakura wearing a black one, didn't he? He saw a glimpse of it two days ago. Sakura was wearing a white thin-strapped knee-length dress and her blue sandals. She was happily skipping around when suddenly she tripped, rolled down like a log and fell down to a stream. (It was quite stupid, really… Sasuke later realized)

Naruto had panicked and was about to jump down to the water to rescue her when Kakashi pointed out that Sakura was a good swimmer— after all, ninjas were supposed to be excellent swimmers.

Minutes later, Sakura's head bobbed from the surface, gasping. She was able to climb to the bank unaided. Suddenly, Kakashi poofed and vanished. Naruto stared— stared hard. Really hard. Very, very hard. Sasuke curiously looked at Sakura to find out what made Naruto stare like that. The moment he looked at Sakura, Sasuke felt all his blood rushed up to his nose.

She was standing in the bank, panting. Her hair was soaking and messy with her bangs plastered over her forehead and cheeks. The white innocent dress became transparent due to its thinness and wetness. It revealed everything: the most eye-catching was her tiny black bra, next was her underwear that was also colored black and then, in all its shining glory, her legs. The hem of the skirt hitched indecently up, showing her thighs. Moreover, the dress showed her sinful curves, curves that Sasuke didn't know existed.

Sakura blushed angrily as she noticed her teammates ogling at her. "STOP STARING!" She yelled, crossing her arms over her chest. The two jounins jumped and turned around quickly…knowing how dangerous she could become when pissed.

-

-

"I see." Sasuke nodded comprehendingly. "A bra is different from a bikini."

Sakura rolled her eyes, now sitting in front of him, not on his legs. "It is. You wear a bikini when you go to a beach."

He nodded frowningly.

"You saw me wearing one last summer. That was a bikini." She lectured.

Yeah, yeah…how could he forget? He did get a free strip show from her.

They went to beach last summer (due to Sakura's pleading). At first, she was wearing a red jumper shorts and white sleeveless shirt underneath. Decent— yes, but the moment she saw the beach, she squealed and started undressing _in front_ of HIM. Something went wrong with his eyes because he could not look away. He watched her unclasped her jumper and dropped it to her feet, revealing shining shimmering splendid legs. Next, she slipped the sleeveless shirt over her head.

Imagination or not, he heard a distinct whoop inside his head. Being Uchiha Sasuke, he had a reputation to protect and so, he remained stoic and simply…watched her. Her bikini was black and tiny with thin strings keeping the cups in place. With a smile, she dumped her clothes in his arms before rushing to the beach and played with the waves.

"Yeah, I did." Sasuke replied matter-of-factly.

"Anyway… I think we should buy clothes, underwear and bras—"

"What for?" Sasuke scoffed.

Sakura frowned. "For you, of course."

"Why can't I just borrow from you?"

"WHAT?" Sakura gasped, wide-eyed.

"It would be a complete waste of money if I buy woman's clothes. After all, this won't last forever."

_FUCK YES! _Inner Sakura shrieked. _IT BETTER WON'T OR I'LL EAT YOU!_ Sakura shushed her dirty-mouthed violent-tempered inner self to stutter an embarrassed: "But…you CAN'T."

Sasuke frowned. "Why?"

Her cheeks went viciously red. "L-look at yourself!" Sasuke raised a brow. "You're…h-healthier!"

"Speak clearer, can you?"

"Oh kami…" Embarrassed, Sakura pressed a hand at her forehead. "Look at your chest! They're LARGER than mine!" she spluttered.

Sasuke blinked and unconsciously looked down to Sakura's chest. Sasuke was _very_ aware that Sakura was no longer _innocently_ curved. Her body had developed rather…nicely. Too nicely for Sakura's own good. Though she was short, many boys thought it was very cute. She's short yet…large breasted which made her _cuter._

…and of course, Sasuke thought so, too. However, Sakura, being a naïve girl she was, was not aware of her assets or what crazy things her body can do to men.

"They looked ok." Sasuke said matter-of-factly, still staring down to her chest. Sakura's face erupted into another vicious blush. Her body reacted sensuously, her breasts stiffening as her nipples hardened, pressing against the taut fabric of her red shirt.

"Uh…" Suddenly, there was heat spreading across her body. She was a nineteen year old girl, naïve but not stupid. Her girlish pink hair perfectly hid sexy images and hot dreams that seeped through her mind when she thinks about Sasuke. After all, like Sasuke, she was a girl with normal dose of hormones. She knew she had perfect figure, yet, unlike Ino who got bigger breasts than her— as big as the one Sasuke had conjured for himself— she was _tiny._

"Plus—" Sakura cleared her throat to wretch Sasuke's gaze off her chest. "You're tall. I'm small. It's like you retained your muscle tone and height. My dresses and shirts won't fit right. They would look like hanging blouses. And you don't want to show skin, do you?"

Sasuke grunted, rolling his eyes. "Naruto saw everything." Sakura snorted. "And you as well." Instantly, she blushed.

"I will lend you some skirt—"

"NO SKIRTS—" he growled.

"—shorts and jeans. I also have larger shirts which I wear in bed."

Grunt.

"—and few track pants and leggings."

"NO LEGGINGS—"Sasuke snapped. He knew what leggings were. And what they _do_ to bodies. Kami, he had seen Sakura wore white leggings and (at this point, Sasuke's imagination got really _dirty_)—

"But leggings are comfortable."

Fuck the fact that it was comfortable. The last thing he wants was to cause _boys_ to have nosebleeds. He was a MAN after all!

"I don't fucking care."

Sakura shook her head. "Okay— however, I just could not lend you some panties…"

"Why?" he asked sharply, carelessly without thinking.

Sakura let out a frustrated groan as she blushed. "Duh! Sasuke-kun, they are personal things!"

Sasuke grunted and scoffed.

"Plus, you would not want to wear thongs and lacy panties, do you?" Sakura snapped irritably. The Uchiha coughed uncomfortably.

"Damn it… yeah, yeah." _I can't believe she wore such lingerie._

"And like I told you before— you can't borrow my brassieres."

His brows shot up. Sakura saw his reaction and added hastily, "—cos you're healthier!"

"You mean I'm busty?" Sasuke sneered.

"Sounds like that."

_BUSTIER THAN ME! MWORL!_ Inner Sakura ranted with throngs of swear words.

"This is so stupid." Sasuke growled, pulling his pretty tank top up to hide his _cleavage._

Sakura grinned. Sasuke saw it and added, "But you're more annoying." The pink-haired flower-girl pouted and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Are we going to shop for your bra and panties, Sasuke-CHAN?" Sakura purred teasingly.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and stood up. "Fuck." He hissed as he tried to cover his _creamy_ thighs. "What the fuck is this? This thing's so fucking short." And worst, he wore **no** PANTIES underneath. What if the wind blew it up and some guy was standing behind him?

Ah. He'll see HELL right away.

Instinctively, Sasuke reached down to her arm and pulled her up.

"Wow—you also maintained your strength. Your sharingan stayed too I bet."

He nodded and his eyes turned red with three black commas.

"Cool."

He snorted. "It isn't."

"Haha."

"I feel heavy." Sasuke snapped.

"You do? It must be because of your…err— chest." Sasuke suppressed a grin as Sasuke shifted uncomfortably.

"It's annoying to have such protruding things. They're heavy."

"Haha! Women are stronger than men because we carry the weight of two mountains!" She said with a loud laugh.

"And we just carry two eggs?" The Uchiha retorted sarcastically. Sakura erupted into a loud giggling.

"That _was _funny!"

"Whatever."

Sakura grinned widely. "Oh Sasuke-kun…" she batted her eyelashes playfully. Sasuke swallowed uncomfortably. The gesture was…painfully sexy. She purred and smiled seductively. Sasuke was…attracted and was getting…aroused but his scorching desire was extinguished when she said:

"Babe…you're a bombshell!"

After which, Sakura ducked as Sasuke spat out a large fire ball.


	4. Tsk! Mister Sexy

Standard disclaimer applied.

- - -

**Warning:** innuendos, _slightly_ perverse situations, frank conversations and words… well!! I changed the rating from T to M so…(wicked grin) enjoy SasuSakuu perverseness!

- - -

**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

**- - -**

**Chapter4**: The Leaf's Sexiest Woman

- - -

They crossed the street, passed the Ichiraku where they could hear Naruto's loud slurping. Behind, two gigolos stared lecherously as Sasuke's supper great ass. Sakura noticed that Sasuke was shaking, elegant brows were twitching menacingly.

"Eh? Would you calm down?" she whispered.

"I won't." He hissed, throwing her a dark look. "Screw the fact that I have a _sexy_ ass. Screw the fact that I wear a skirt but…I swear I'm going to kill them."

Sakura smiled weakly and took his hand. She tiptoed and whispered in his ear. "Sasuke-kun, just relax, okay?"

Sasuke shuddered deliciously as her breathy voice caressed his ear. _Hormones be damned!_ He grunted and turned his head away.

Sakura smiled at him coyly. "Let me handle this. I perfectly knew how to deal with those freaks."

Sasuke looked at her, an eyebrow rose, distrusting her words. Sakura faked a look of hurt. "You don't believe me, do you? You are not aware that I am _very_ capable of drawing attention…without so much effort."

He grunted.

She released his hand and gave a lopsided grin which looked rather provocative. "I_'_m_ all grown up_, Sasuke-kun, haven't you noticed?"

He looked rather miffed. "You haven't. You're still short. A type which men find rather uninteresting."

Sakura growled at his words. _Kick him now! Kick HIM NOW!_ "Short, yes. But look closely."

Sasuke looked at her up and down. Sakura ignored the way his eyes traveled and the delicious tingle that accompanied it.

"Sasuke-kun… maybe you haven't noticed it yet, but I grew a pair of boobs, you jerk! Besides, men don't care about height or whatever that deals with such!"

Sasuke sighed sharply. _Damn you. I'm so fucking aware of your body_. "Just shut up."

"Jerk." She muttered. "You and your Uchiha arrogance!" _Just because he's sexy! Someday, YEAH SOMEDAY and that someday is closer now! Uchiha, you shall bow down to me BOW DOWN BOW DOWN!! HELL YEAH!!!!_

She walked ahead, her black skirt was short, which revealed luscious legs. She didn't wear her shorts today (because she had no mission). Since it was windy, her skirt occasionally rose and fell with every bouncy step she took. True enough, men watched her, specifically those sexy legs, tight ass and bouncy breasts. The wind picked up and Sasuke angrily held his skirt down while Sakura turned hastily around to face him. His sharp eyes did not fail to notice how her skirt flapped open to slightly show her inner thighs.

"Well, sweetie pie cupcake choco dip sweetheart! Let's go there, shall we?" she grinned at him sarcastically, her finger pointing towards the rows of boutiques across the street. He glared at her but she shrugged and headed for the shop she often visited.

Sasuke followed, disgruntled, still holding his skirt. Whistles followed him; his fingers twitched to form a seal, his mind screaming for murder: _kill them! NOW! Grow out your fangs! And BREATHE FIRE!_

The shop was full of pink _frills._ The Uchiha winced in disgust, his eyes squinting. The walls were of neon pink and there were _frills_ everywhere he looked. No wonder Sakura loved to shop here. She blended well with the walls.

A tall busty 30-something woman greeted them. "Ne, ohayo, Sakura-chan! Ohayo—"She stopped and stared at Sasuke.

Sakura noticed it and grasped Sasuke's wrist. "Ohayo, Yuko-san! Er…" she scratched her cheek. "Well… my friend! See?" she motioned at Sasuke, grinning widely.

Yuko-san smiled. "She's very pretty."

"Very well said," Sakura nodded. "Well, er— see ya later!" she dragged Sasuke (with difficulty since HE is so tall) at the back of the store where the lingerie section was located.

"Here it is!" she announced. "Beautiful things, aren't they?"

"No." He grunted, looking away from the shocking colors and types of brassieres and panties. _My eyes, they burn._

Sakura made a face. "Too bad, Sasuke-kun. You're going to wear one."

"Do I have to?" he growled at her.

Green eyes widened. "Are you_ crazy?_ Of course, you have _to!_ Or else you'll get raped!"

Sasuke eyed her with strong dislike. "_Me_? Get raped?"

Sakura shrugged. "Well, that was just a possibility…" she mumbled.

"A stupid possibility." Sasuke scoffed, crossing his arms.

Sakura growled. _BOW DOWN TO ME!_ Inner Sakura shrieked, brandishing her fists while adding some nasty curses. She restrained herself from punching the living daylights out of him.

"Well, Sasuke-kun," she started sweetly. "Pick one you like the most." _I'll make your days a living hell on earth!_ Sasuke threw her a dark look and scoffed. Sakura snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot! Let me get something first, okay!"

Sasuke grabbed her wrist before she could go. "Where the hell are you going? You're _not_ going to leave me here, are you?"

Sakura smiled wickedly. "Oh no, don't give me ideas, Sasuke." His grip tightened, his 'beautiful' features contorting as his intense (somehow, though his body had sprouted two firm boobs, his eyes remained the same) sinful eyes she liked so much narrowed dangerously.

"Sakura…" he growled and Sakura bit her lip, repressing her hormones…_ Damn him and his stupid sexiness! Oh please dear dear angels up there… Turn my Sasuke-kun back to his BODY!_

She forced a laugh. "No, I'm not going to leave you here. Who knows… you might set these things on fire. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" he demanded. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to get a tape measure." She replied, irritated.

He eyed her suspiciously. Sakura gritted her teeth. "Sasuke," she started, omitting the kun suffix. "Trust me, alright!" she snapped and wrenched her wrist away.

"Make sure you don't do anything stupid." Sasuke stated arrogantly.

_YOU SEXY ASSHOLE! I'M GOING TO GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT AND PLAY GOLF WITH IT! I SWEAR!_ Inner Sakura roared. The outer Sakura just snarled at him and marched out of his sight. She was so tempted to leave him and let him suffer but being a good soul she was, she didn't.

She returned after a few minutes and found Sasuke looking anywhere but the panties and bras.

"I'm back!" she announced.

Sasuke glared at her. "Good."

"Firstly, I have to measure your vital stats."

"My what?"

"Be quiet, you." She swung the tape measure around "his" bust. "Wow," she whistled. "36," down to his waist, "26," and down to his hips, "35," she looked up at him. "Amazing, isn't it? You had the body of every Konoha woman dreams about!"

"Shut up, now." Sasuke snapped, a blush coloring his cheeks. Sakura sniggered and put the tape measure at the counter behind them.

"Well," Sakura picked up a matching red brassiere and panties. "How about this?"

Sasuke reddened even more. He could not believe that he'll live the day that he would shop for lingerie, let alone a _red_ bra. "I'll burn it, you'll see."

"Aw, red signifies passion, you know."

"I DON'T CARE."

"Fiiiine." She put it back on the stack and picked up another. "This?" Sasuke's eyes almost pop out of its socket. The bra had _huge _cups.

"No way," he winced, looking away.

"Why? This suits you, dearie. Since your boobs aren't boobies."

"Keep talking trash and you'll be on my hit list…"

Sakura laughed and tossed it back. "This is fun."

"Shut up."

Sakura immediately lost her temper. "Why you! It's your own _stupid_ fault that you turned into a smashing bomb body with those HUGE breasts! If you weren't so smug and a windbag and stupid pompous jerk with a HUGE head that is covered with those silky black thingy you call hair, you wont have to wear a bra with HUGE cups you Uchiha poop head!"

Sasuke smirked devilishly, watching her lecture him with amusement. He liked this side of her… it was cute, sexy and…arousing. Maybe he should anger her more often.

"What are you smirking at, Uchiha? Something you like to share?" Sakura snapped, her hands on her hips. Sasuke's smirk widened.

"None of your concern, Sakura…"

Sakura narrowed her eyes, her cheeks tinged with red. She didn't like the way he said her name. It simply rolled off his tongue, slithering out of his lips enticingly. _But this is Sasuke we're talking about. He's a Popsicle who got a lump of ice in the place where his heart should be. _She thought bitterly.

"Then stop smirking like that!" She retorted.

Sasuke scoffed. "…like hell. He muttered.

Sakura, determined to make his life miserable, proceeded on buying clothes for him. She got him five pairs of revealing underwear and brassieres that spoke 'fuck me to the bones!!!' and two shirts with plunging necklines. Sasuke wasn't pleased when she purchased a velvet skirt and a pair of _pink _flip-flops.

"It would look good on you! I swear!" she said with a wicked grin.

"No. Put it back there! Now." He hissed, pulling for the skirt that screamed for 'a good spanking quickie in the woods'.

In the end, Sakura won and smiled giddily at Yuko-san. "Let's go, Sas— oh well—"

--

Sakura dragged Sasuke's tight ass towards the public baths.

"Where do you think we're going?" Sasuke hissed, beet red as men with massive nosebleeds stared at him. _Why the hell are they staring at my…chest?_

Stupid Sasuke.

Sakura ignored him and walked faster. "Oh damn it. You're enjoying me dragging you, aren't you? All work and no play is equals to—"

"I told you… stop talking dirty…"

Sakura threw him a look. "I wasn't talking dirty! You're just _thinking_ dirty!" she snapped. Sasuke was about to retort but stopped frozen as Sakura, obviously planning to walk right in inside the female public bath without batting an eyelash, rammed the door opened and walked in regally.

Sasuke, stunned at the sight of gazillion naked females, let out a manly squeal (he stressed it was MANLY) and red in the face, zoomed out of the place.

"Oi, where the HELL do you think you're going?" Sakura hissed, grabbing his hand. "Sas—"

"Damn it. Lower your voice!" he hissed.

"Where are you going, huh?" Sakura hissed back.

"That's a ladies room, idiot!" Sasuke snapped as calmly as possible.

Sakura's jaw dropped, her voice dropped into a creepy tone. "Are you really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY_, really, really_—"

"…what!" Sasuke snapped.

"STUPID!" Sakura yelled.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow.

"…look at yourself! YOU HAVE BOOBS! And too bad for you— your so called super commando who screams to penetrate as a form of dominance and arrogance and… and…and… reproduction is GONE! So…er… eh…" Sakura finally noticed that people were oddly staring at her with mouths opened. "Well, er… just go in there, will you?" she hissed at Sasuke who was smirking at her.

Sakura was smoking in the ears now. "Go in there or I'll scream Sasuke before you could even say—"

Sasuke cursed, grabbed her hand and dragged her back inside the public bath. At first, Sasuke faltered, wincing, closing his eyes.

"Damn it… my eyes—"

"Well, you have to get cozy now. You'll be seeing more." Sakura said with a smile.

"Damn it. Can you send a telegram to Tsuande to get the fuck back here in Konoha?"

"Only if you say please."

"Sakura…" he growled.

"Hey, you've been given a chance to see women in their naked glory. Something that will make Jiraiya-sama and Kakashi-sensei so proud of you, golden boy. In fact, they would give anything in this world just to have this chance to peek and everything!" Sakura said with a huge smile.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately, I wasn't born pervert…"

"Perverts weren't born." Said Sakura. "They were made."

Sasuke glared.

"And hey…this is your chance to prove Naruto that you're _so _straight…"

"Sakura…one more word and trust me—"

"…oh please, Sasuke-kun." She smiled. "Just relax, okay. Besides, this will last only for two days or so… And please, can you stop being hostile towards me? I'm here to help, remember?"

Sasuke sighed. "Right."

Sakura pouted. "Magic word?"

"Yeah." Sasuke growled. "…sorry."

She waggled her eyesbrows at him, indicating him to further elaborate. Sasuke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"…for being so rude."

"And?"

"…and…what else?"

"Sasuke!"

"Aa… Alright, for being so nice?"

"No way." Sakura snapped, pouting.

Sasuke smirked. "…for being hotter than you?"

Sakura blushed. "Not that one!"

"…Sakura, just say I'm forgiven."

"…hmph."

"Sakura…"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun… I also hate what you have become…"

Sasuke looked at her. "Why? Because I'm the Leaf's sexiest woman now?"

"No!" Sakura countered. "Well… I don't care about you being sexy… but well, I don't mind it if only you were male."

Sasuke smirked. "Of course."

"What's that supposed to mean, huh?" asked Sakura. Sasuke shrugged.

"Nothing."

"…I know you mean something!"

"Sakura, just be quiet."

"…hmph. Alright." She looked around. Few waved at her and she smiled back. "There, you can use the cubicle over there."

Sasuke gulped uncomfortably, trying to avert his eyes from the naked spectacles. "…listen, can… I— I don't think I can handle this."

"You can. You're THE Uchiha Sasuke." She smiled. "Think of this as just one of the obstacles you have to get over with."

"…this is stupid."

"Come on now. Uh…if you're so uncomfortable, close your eyes." She took his hand. "And I'll guide you there."

Sasuke grunted.

"Come on… if you don't want to see breasts that hung loosely… you know when women start losing ligaments, the breasts will start _sagging_ and—"

Sasuke, being a bright boy he was, easily understood. A groan of deep disgust escaped his cheery lips. "Stop talking already…"

Sakura grinned. "Okay. Now close your eyes…" He did and she led him to the farthest cubicle. "Now open them." He did. Sakura pushed him inside the cubicle, gave him the undergarments and said, "Well, you wear the panties exactly the way you wear um…er— _briefs_!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"I don't."

"What?" asked Sakura.

"I don't wear briefs."

_Oh my kami._

"I wear boxers."

"I don't care!!!" she half-yelled, blushing wildly. _Please, please…my innocent thoughts! PLEASE don't give me mental images!!!_

Too bad. Mental images flooded in. Pictures of Sasuke wearing _nothing _at all filled her thoughts.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…! Stop it!!!!!_

She started to whack her own head.

"Sakura, what _are_ you doing?"

She blinked. "Uh? Nothing…? Err— I mean I think I have something in my head… eheheh…"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. "Well," he brought up the sheer black bra. "How about this?"

"Uhh…" Sakura groaned in frustration. "…alright." She stepped inside the cubicle too and locked it. Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Hey what—"

"I'll help you wear it."

A blush erupted on Sasuke's face. "What? Get out—"

"Shh! Turn around now!"

"I can do this on my own."

"It's very hard to explain—"

"You're good with words, aren't you?"

"No. I'm better with demonstration."

Silence.

Sasuke's thoughts…gone nasty. Really nasty. Demonstration? That's _nice_. He fought back the mental images that soon plagued his supposed innocent mind. Sakura…oh no… what the hell was wrong with his HORMONES?

_I'm a girl now! STOP THE FLOOD OF TESTOSTERONES—_

_Wait. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING? I AM NOT A GIRL. Well, technically, I am a girl but fuck it!_

An Uchiha controls his emotions.

An Uchiha controls his destiny.

An Uchiha controls _everybody._

An Uchiha is a control freak.

An Uchiha controls the WORLD!

An Uchiha controls the freaking nature!

_Grrrr_

He felt his insides roar with blood curdling lust.

_EAT HER NOOOOOOW! Rawr!_

Shut up…now.

Control your damn hormones.

Fuck. He was 19 years old. With so much active hormones. _Ugh. Why now?_

"Sasuke-kun?"

"This is so awkward."

Sakura winced. "Yes it is. So you better turn around now and let me help you." he did and waited glumly.

"Well, remember, you shot them—"

"What? What is this? Basketball?"

Sakura groaned. "I mean, you make sure that the breasts are properly deposited in the cups. Like this—"

"Don't touch them—"

"I have to demonstrate so you can learn—"

"Just… damn it. Don't touch—"

"Sasuke-kun—"

"Damn it."

"Well," her tone was laced with irritation. "If I don't demonstrate or touch _it_, you won't be able to learn."

"You don't have to touch them." He shot back, annoyed.

"Why?!" Sakura demanded. "You think I'm gonna feel you up? Of course not! I have my own brea— chest to touch!"

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "…shut up."

"Oh, Sasuke-kun. I'm sorry. I know this is hard."

"Good thing you know."

"Anyway, make sure they are cupped. Are they…uh…supported now?"

Sasuke groaned and looked down.

"Are they?"

"Aa."

"Good. Now you clasp it."

Sasuke sighed deeply.

"Well, that's…what you call experience."

"…it's hell."

"Okay. Now I'll leave the rest to you. The panties are worn exactly the way you wear boxers."

"Aa."

Sakura stepped out of the cubicle. Sasuke let out another growl and wore the panties. _THIS IS OUT OF THIS WORLD._ Why? Why? Why him, all of people?

"Now what?"

Sakura smiled. "You looked really really pretty…"

Sasuke scowled at her. "Don't…talk trash, I told you."

Sakura grinned. "Plus, do you remember your second goal?"

"…what about it?" asked Sasuke with a frown as they exit the public bath.

"…at least, your second goal would not be too hard anymore."

Sasuke narrowed suspiciously his eyes at her tone. Her smile was wide and mischievous. "…elaborate."

"…you hate dating annoying girls. But to fulfill your second goal, you need a uterus and a vagina, right?"

"…aa."

"But you're Uchiha Sasuke. You hate girls. You hate dating."

He raised a brow in question.

"…news flash, Sasuke-kun." Sakura stated playfully. "…you don't need a girl anymore to bear your children."

Sasuke's scowl deepened.

"Because… baby, YOU HAVE BOTH! You can get pregnant now and give birth to Uchiha brats!"

Silence.

"Uh…Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked cautiously.

_Whiz_

"ACKKKKKKKKK—"

_KATON!_


	5. She's talking about Proteins!

_For Ninaleoliona_

* * *

Standard disclaimer applied.

- - -

**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

**- - -**

**Chapter5:** Yes. Yes. She's talking about Proteins.

**- - -**

* * *

"DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO _THAT_?" Sakura shouted. "YOU ALMOST BURNED MY HAIR, UCHIHA!"

Sasuke glared. "I told you… how many times I already did? Keep talking trash and you'll be in my hit list."

"But… it was a JOKE! How could you be so…_thick_!" she shot back. "Good thing I ducked just in time!"

"Idiot. You just said I should get fucked by some men—"Sasuke snapped angrily.

Sakura was horrified. "NO! I NEVER SAID **THAT**! IT'S… DISGUSTING!" she screamed at him. "I will **never, never, never, never** SAY SUCH THING!!"

Sasuke glared. "So don't blame me for trying to BURN you," he stated smugly with an annoying sneer.

The pink-haired girl growled like a she-lion. "Do it again! And I'll make sure you'll experience hell!"

Sasuke smirked, crossing his arms. "…really?"

"_Really!_ Don't mock me, _Uchiha_!"

Sasuke lowered his eyelids, both insultingly and alluringly. "…I'm not mocking you."

Her mouth emitted a sound similar to spitting cat before angrily turning around and marching off. Frowning, Sasuke followed her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home!" she snapped.

"…how about me?" asked Sasuke.

Sakura turned to look at him, her eyebrow raised. "…how about _you_ what?"

"Well, you're supposed to keep watch, aren't you?"

"I'm _not_ your babysitter, Sasuke-kun."

"You are _now_."

"Kami, you're so infuriating, Sasuke-**_kun_**!"

Sasuke smirked at her, clearly annoying her. "Now you know how I feel when _you_ annoy me."

The pink-haired girl gave him a sharp look. _I don't mind you annoying me as long as you DON'T have boobs!_

"Don't worry. I'll send a telegram to Tsunade-shishou to bid her to come home as soon as possible." Sakura snapped. She cleared her throat and looked at him. "Do you want to stay with me for a while?"

Sasuke's brows shot up.

"I guess you need help… to adjust." She added with a shrug. "Plus," she gave him a smile. "It's fun to have a _female_ roommate."

Sasuke snorted. "…your definition of fun is questionable."

"HEY!"

"Alright…"

"Just make sure you won't burn my house."

"…if you keep quiet." He drawled.

"It's MY house!"

"…hn." Pause. "That's why it's _more_ fun to burn it down."

"UCHIHA!" she thundered with a stamp of her foot. A crack appeared beneath her tiny foot. Sasuke raised an amused brow at this.

_Interesting…_

They arrived at Sakura's house which was empty since her parents passed away two years ago. She opened the front door with her key and motioned Sasuke to go inside.

"Um…sorry if the house's bit messy."

Sasuke shrugged and went inside.

"I have a spare room. Let me prepare it for you. You can sit down, you know."

"Hn."

Sakura went upstairs. "Hey, if you're hungry or thirsty, there's some cola and chocolates in the fridge!" she called out from the spare room. "…and some tomato shake!"

Sasuke blinked. _Tomato shake?_

"…oh no! SHIT!" _blag_ "…waaaah! Don't fall! Don't fall! DON'T FALL!" _BAM BAM BAM_ then a groan… "I told you DON'T FALL!" _bam bam bam bam_

After several _bam bam_ and loud curses from the girl, Sakura came down, panting. "Your…room…is—huff-huff— upstairs… the white door… yes, that's it." She collapsed face down to her couch due to exhaustion. Sasuke raised a brow, staring at the exposed back of her thighs. Sakura pushed up and sat properly, still sweating and huffing. Initially forgetting that Sasuke was in the room with her, she pulled down the zipper of her shirt, exposing her cleavage.

"It's so hot." She whined and wiped her forehead. The zipper was resting between her breasts. "Well, if you want to rest, the room is ready. I'll just call you when dinner's ready." She muttered, lids lowered over her bright eyes.

"Hn." He stood up and went upstairs. Sakura sighed and laid her head back. "This is surreal. Sasuke-kun would be staying me with me… but too bad!" she whined, pouting. "My chance of romance is ruined by that stupid jutsu!"

With a sigh, she stood up and padded off to her kitchen to prepare dinner.

--

--

Sasuke went rigid. _What the hell is this?_

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?"

He forced the so-called "food" down to his throat, hiding a disgruntled wince. "Nothing." He cleared his throat, looking up to her questioning gaze. "Just remembered something."_ That next time, I'll eat something edible, not poisonous._

"OK."

Discreetly, he watched Sakura eat, her thick lashes lowered over her eyes as she lift and lower her chopsticks to her lips. It was a miracle that she was _still_ alive, haven't died at the nasty taste of her cooking. One thing to note about her: her cooking was as grand as her monstrous strength.

Lethal to human stomach.

How the hell did she manage to consume three bowls of her so called "food" was beyond him. It tasted like an over-cooked rubber with plastic veggies.

"You're not hungry, Sasuke-kun?"

He almost cried in happiness. Take note: happiness.

"Yeah." He tried not to sound disgusted.

She lowered her utensil. "Maybe you're tired, ne?" she smiled that made him slightly guilty of the thoughts that ran inside his head about her cooking. But the guilt instantly vanished as soon as his eyes landed on the sushi— _was that a sushi? _Sushi was not supposed to be black, was it?

"After all what you went through today."

"Hn." He eyed the— _uh…_ "food" with concealed disgust. _Burn. _He thought maliciously. _Burn._ Sakura stood up slowly, gathering the eating utensils. Sasuke straightened up to help her but she shook her head.

"It's okay. Go upstairs and rest."

He raised his brow. "Are you sure?"

Sakura grinned. "Yeah! I do this all the time! So, don't worry! I'll fix this."

"…"

"Sasuke-kun."

"Alright." He said slowly. He turned and was on the first step of the stairs when she poked her head out from the kitchen.

"Hey, if you wanna borrow some night clothes, wait for me! I'll lend you some, okay? Wash up first."

He nodded and she smiled before returning to the kitchen.

--

--

The room she prepared for him was average-sized with queen-sized bed, white sheets and stuffy pillows. There was a huge window next to a desk with a lamp, a dresser and a closet. There was no extra door and he assumed, the slender door frame next to electric keyboard was the bathroom.

Suddenly feeling tired, Sasuke flopped down to the mattress. He rested his head over the feathery-soft pillows, his eyes half-closed. The mattress was soft, as soft as his bed and the sheets were not itchy but silky. Wow.

This was good. He liked cottony-soft sheets and pillow cases. Strangely, he was rather meticulous with things that dealt with bed and pillows. He fully closed his eyes, grabbing a pillow from beside his head and snuggled against it, inhaling the dewy smell of laundry soap as he pressed the side of his face over it.

Wow.

Wow.

Really…

He was savoring the softness and the scent of soft dew and rain that he barely heard a door opening.

Clutching a pair of white pajamas and large black towel, Sakura entered the room. She left the door ajar and approached the bed. Her green eyes traveled from his ankles up to his exposed thighs. She blushed feverishly and shook her head.

"Sasuke-kun, hey—"

He slowly opened his eyes. "Hn."

"I brought you these," she lifted the materials she carried.

He blinked at the pajamas.

"Pajamas." He muttered.

"Yeah. Unless you sleep naked."

Sasuke twitched and sat up, snatching the pair of pajamas from her hand.

"I don't sleep naked."

Sakura lifted one pale eyebrow. "Good."

Sasuke glared at her and she looked back defiantly.

"Unless you want to see me NAKED, can you leave now?"

It was Sakura's turn to twitch and roughly, she slapped the towel to his beautiful face. "Asshole." He heard her mutter before walking out.

--

--

He stepped out of the bathroom, his long hair damp. Feeling refreshed and sleepy, he reached down for the first door knob he could grasp. With the towel around his shoulders, he opened the door and stepped inside.

The room was dimly lit and…faintly, smelled like her.

Sasuke blinked, adjusting his eyes from the darkness. The light from the moon filtered through the curtains that billowed softly as breeze flew in.

He frowned. His room had no curtains nor didn't smell like her. His eyes swept over the room, eventually landing on the bed.

He went deliciously rigid.

_What the fuck._

Sakura. On the bed. Wearing…

He blinked again. "Oh my god…" he muttered weakly, a bead of sweat trailing his jaw. _Shit. _And the phantom feeling of erection consumed him. Though he knew he _should_ look away and NOT to stare, his eyes could not… well, something went fucking wrong because, to hell with perverseness, he was _staring._

Real hard.

It was wrong but being a perfectly normal male regardless of the boobs and vagina, it was normal to ogle at a sleeping _almost_ naked girl, a pillow between her sexy legs. The pink-haired girl was only wearing a thin loose yellow shirt and cute red polka-dot bikini. The underwear was VERY skimpy. To make matters worst (or better), the shirt she wore was thin. Too fucking thin.

Sakura stirred and settled on her back. Sasuke stiffened even more and his precious orbs he called eyes almost bulged out. What a shame.

The shirt's neckline was low and wide.

_Shit._

His eyes automatically turned scarlet, the commas swirling, memorizing every tiny detail, every milky curves, the smooth slopes, the silk hair, the legs and the dots of her panties, engraving each detail into his memory.

Finally, he managed to look away, cursing under his breath. His stomach was clenching and the air was suddenly sticky. He could feel the heat of his cheeks, the pound of his blood.

Hastily, he turned back and bolted out of the room. The door shut close with a slight thud. The Uchiha waited for his heart to slow down. With the sleeve of the pajama top, he wiped his damp forehead.

"Damn…" he was aware of her sex-godly qualities but… he didn't know it would be like _that._ If looks can kill, that body would if she decided to walk around the village in that polka-dot bikini.

A sigh escaped his lips. Grudgingly, he cautiously pushed the other door open. With one eye, he peeked at the gap and looked for his curtain-less window.

There.

"Hn. Finally." He muttered, irritated and walked in. he threw the towel aside which hit the dresser. He stopped before a full-length mirror, studying his features.

Boobs.

Long hair.

A vagina under that white drawstring pant.

He sighed, turning away from the mirror.

He terribly missed his balls.

--

--

Sasuke was up before Sakura the next morning. He was blissfully sipping his cup of coffee when she barged in.

"Ohayo."

He lowered his cup and glanced at her unconcernedly.

"Oha—"

He stared hard. His eyes widened even more, taking in the view before him. And suddenly, he decided… he liked waking up everyday of his life.

Especially when the first thing he'll see—

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

…are boobies.

In reflex, Sasuke closed one eye when Sakura suddenly shrieked, her voice filling the kitchen. Recovering from shock, he focused his gaze on her red face. Then, Sakura pulled down the hem of her shirt to cover her skimpy underwear. His eyes snapped open wider, then lowered _happily_ to her creamy cleavage.

Wow.

Great view.

Shrieking, Sakura turned around and ran back to her room. His eyes followed the giddy bounce of her plump buttocks.

"Not bad." He stated monotonously.

When she came back, she was wearing large fluffy white robe, wailing, "I'm sorry!!!!" she moaned, very red, pushing the neck of her robe to her cheeks. "I totally forgot that you're here!!! I mean… I forgot _YOU'RE_ Sasuke-kun!!! I'm sorry!!!!!" she wailed, too mortified too look at his eyes.

Indifferently, Sasuke grunted. "Hn."

Moaning embarrassedly, she wailed. "Let's eat!"

--

--

Since Sasuke was not in the mood to eat cooked rubber and plastic, he told Sakura that he liked ramen for breakfast. The girl looked at him curiously: Sasuke? Liking _ramen?_

Pigs don't fly, do they?

But she said, "Okay."

Minutes later, the two _girls_ were walking in the direction of the Ichiraku ramen stand, the stand where Naruto always sat. Several villagers turned to look at them, curious at the new good-looking girl walking next to the village's number one sexiest and most hot-tempered wench. (Ino was placed second.)

Sasuke tucked his hands inside his pockets. "They're staring. Again." He hissed murderously.

Sakura shrugged, used at being stared at. "You're with _me._"

His eyebrow rose. "So?"

"I'm _soooo_ cute!" She retorted with a roll of her eyes. Sasuke smirked.

"Sure." He drawled slyly. "I bet they're thinking that we got knock up somewhere…"

Sakura turned to him with wide eyes. "You didn't _mean_ that…"

Sasuke only snorted.

They arrived at Ichiraku minutes later. "Good—"Sakura looked down as Sasuke's hand shot down and grasped her wrist.

"I changed my mind." He growled, his eyes darkening as he eyed the table at the left corner.

"Wha—"

"OI!!! SAKURA!"

"Eh?" Aghast, Sakur found the rest of their friends having breakfast in the corner of the stand. "Uhhh—"

"Sakura! Sit with us!" Ino persuaded, waving at her cheerfully. The pink-haired medic cringed mentally when Lee gave her a wide, wide, WIDE smile.

"Um—" She felt Sasuke's grip tightening.

"You have a new friend?" Ten-ten noticed, tilting her head to the side. The weapon specialist grinned. "Wow! She's very pretty!"

"Uh—"Sakura looked at her friends' faces. Even Neji, the long-haired this-is-my-destiny-I-can-see-yours-too hot guy was there with his teammates Ten-ten and of course, LEE. Kiba sat beside Shikamaru who was sullenly next to Ino. Chouji was _busy_ slurping and munching ramen and chips ALL at the same time. Shino, however, was on an espionage mission somewhere in the east while Hinata was sitting next to Ten-ten. Thankfully, Naruto was NOT there.

"Come on!" Ino motioned at them to come over.

"YEAH! Sit with us, most beautiful Sakura-san!" lee piped in, smiling a wide, wide, WIDE smile.

Sakura glanced at Sasuke meekly. "Well…" she saw Sasuke's jaw moved as if to itching to say: say yes and I'll burn you.

The pink-haired wench grinned at her friends.

"Sure!"

Sasuke groaned.

--

--

"Who is she?" asked Ten-ten.

Sakura froze from chewing. "Um…he's—"

"He?" Neji cut off.

Sasuke nudged her with his thigh. Sakura shivered. _Wow. Heaven._

HELL YEAH! Her inner-demon shrieked, having orgasm at the mere contact.

_Shut up._

Sakura smiled brightly. Too bright for Sasuke's taste.

"You're deaf. I said 'she'—"

"You're very pretty." Lee said to Sasuke solemnly. The Uchiha shivered, the hair at the back of his neck raising. _Damn you._

"Actually," Lee paused for a dramatic effect. "You're a bomb, baby." He added with a wink and a SHINING smile.

Sasuke managed not pass out by using his amazing chakra. Just the sight of Lee smiling at him LIKE that, with a wink and twinkle of his teeth, _god_… it was a miniature horror movie.

Sakura stifled a giggle, seeing Sasuke's reaction, almost hearing the cogs of his brain turning and screaming 'murder!'.

"Where is she from?" Hinata asked politely.

Sakura blinked. _What?_ Her brain squeaked but at the same time, worked over time. "Uh…" Think. Think. THINK.

"From… the… village… of… the… hidden…" her eye caught something shining, shimmering, splendid from the chef's counter. "…FISH!"

--

--

Everyone's eyebrows shot up. Including Sasuke's.

Sakura smiled toothily. "It's… a newly-established village! Yeah! Veeeeeery… abundant with _uh…_ exotic fishes! Blessed with…uh… yeah, fishes. It's not… very popular. Uh… because it's economy is… like a fish, yeah."

They blinked. Chouji STOPPED eating.

"And the people there… you know—"she shrugged pompously. "—are veeeeery good swimmers! Like her!" Sakura pointed at Sasuke. "And yeeeees, they are also…uh…" she blinked. "Oh yeah, beautiful! Full of beautiful girls! And did you know????" her friends leaned forward, VERY curious.

Sakura widened her eyes for more effect. "The fishes there…are…rich…in… proteins!"

They twitched while Chouji choke because he was NOT eating.

"Oh." Ino exclaimed.

"I see." Neji said slowly, nodding comprehendingly.

"Yes, yes." Sakura nodded solemnly. But inside, _WAAAAAA! They're going to kill me once they found out that no such village exists!_ She wailed inside her mind, crying fat tears mentally.

Smirking inside, Sasuke studied her face. He knew what was going on inside that pink head. _Hn. Who would believe her? She's a bad liar._

"Well…" Shikamaru began lazily. "What's her name?"

Sasuke stopped smirking mentally. Sakura stared stupidly. "Name?" she repeated flatly, chopsticks between her teeth.

"Yeah. Name."

Sakura brightened up. "Oh! Of course! She's—"

_Don't give me a fuckable name, Sakura!_ Sasuke growled at her mentally.

"—Sachi!"

Sasuke mentally groaned. Sachi? What a good name for a good dog.

"Wow!" Lee whooped. "What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl!"

_Stupid asshole._ He thought with a grimace.

What a stupid, stupid day…

"…well," Ino surveyed Sasuke's features critically. "Her boobs are big."

The boys choked on their drinks and ramen.

"INO!" Sakura yelped, embarrassed.

"What?" Ino blinked. "It's a fact, you see." She added, motioning at Sasuke's chest. "Two great bombs."

Sasuke looked down to his chest while Sakura groaned. "You're embarrassing him!"

"Him?"

"HER!" she said in a higher voice.

"But she's right." Kiba said, grinning widely. Sakura kicked him under the table. "Owwww!"

"Shut up, Kiba!" Sakura snapped.

"She's blushing." Ten-ten pointed out.

"…she's not talking." Hinata murmured. Sakura whipped her head to Hinata's direction.

"Uh…well, she's um—… ah, well, sadly… she's…_ uh…_ she's mute! Yeah…"

"WHAT?"

"Awwwww—"Ino and Ten-ten cooed affectionately. "Poor thing." Ino said sadly.

"You can have all the beauty in the world but…" Ten-ten shook her head sorrowfully.

"Oh…my god…" Hinata was in tears.

Sasuke shook his head mentally. _Nice, Sakura._ He thought sneeringly.

Suddenly, Lee squatted on the table in front of Sasuke. Grimacing, our hero— _ahem_, heroine— looked up and turned green when Lee leaned his face down closer to his.

"Maybe… if I kissed you, you'll get your beautiful voice back!" he pouted his lips and made smacking sounds.

"NOOOOOOOO—"Sakura screamed.

BAM.

Seven feet belonging to seven different owners kicked Lee straight on the face, sending the taijutsu specialist crashing to the wall.

Sasuke, however, was close to getting hysterical.

"He's sexually active." Kiba said.

"ARF!"

"THAT MORON!" Ten-ten roared.

"How dare you!" Ino shouted.

"That's…inappropriate, Lee-san." Hinata did NOT stutter.

"Uhh…" Sakura blinked innocently.

Suddenly…

"HEEEEEEY!!!"

Oh no.

Sasuke and Sakura paled horribly. Sakura turned slowly. "N-N-N-N-Na…r-r-ru… t-t-to?" she squeaked.

"Huh?" Bright cerulean eyes brightened even more. "HEY! SAKURA-CHAN!!" A turn of his head. "SASUKE!"

"Sasuke?" the group chorused.

Naruto blinked. "Yes. Sasuke. The asshole? You know. The power-crazy, stupid, I am an avenger bastard?"

Sasuke twitched.

"Sasuke isn't here, idiot." Kiba snapped.

_WAAAAAAAA!!!_ Sakura was mentally bawling now.

"Gah! I'm not an idiot you dog-face! _That's_ Sasuke!" he pointed a finger at their beautiful bombastic Sachi.

All head turned to Sasuke who raised a brow.

"…Sachi?" Ino called.

Sachi snorted and crossed her arms. Beside _her_, Sakura groaned, her shoulders sagging.

"Idiot." They both said, Sachi mockingly, while Sakura sounded tired.

The group stared at them stupidly. Their gazes turned to Sachi who… opened her mouth and said.

"Dobe."

Silence.

…

…

…

…

…

"AHHHHHHHHHHH—"

Even Neji screamed.

* * *

_Thank you very much for reading!_


	6. Ketchup or Catsup?

Standard disclaimer applied.

- - -

**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

**- - -**

**Chapter6: **Ketchup or Catsup?

- - -

"YOU LIED!" Ten-ten and Ino screamed in unison. Beside them, Hinata winced and was crying, her fists against her eyes.

Sakura cringed, palms up. "Sorry—"

"Didn't you know? Honesty is the best policy!" yelled Ten-Ten

"I _know_ that."

"That patience is a virtue!" Ino added with a snarl.

Pink brows went up. "And the connection is…?"

"How could YOU do this to me?!" Lee screamed at Sachi. "I was in love with _you_!"

Sasuke cringed, turning away his face. "Go to hell." He snarled vehemently. Lee burst into tears, cowering to a corner, sobbing loudly.

"YOU MADE UP A TALE!" Wow. Hinata actually screams.

Sakura made an 'uhhh' sound.

"And I believed _it_." The three girls screamed shrilly at her.

"Well… I was good at it." The pink-haired medic shrugged.

"LIAR!" the three screamed again.

"I'm sorry—"

"AND SASUKE-KUN HAS BOOBS! THAT'S A CRIME!" Trust Ino to shout something like that.

Sakura and Sasuke cringed. "Ino! Shut up!" Sakura hissed.

"_You_!" Ino hissed right back at her. "Aren't you ashamed of _yourself_? _He_ got bigger boobs than you!"

Sakura blinked. "Well… I really don't mind the size…"

"LIAR!"

Suddenly, Lee bounced back to his feet. "YES! YES! I WAS IN LOVE! AND I THOUGHT THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL NOT JUST A FANTASY!"

"Lee, shut up—"Neji said.

"I moved on! I finally let go of my truest greatest love—"Lee clasped his hands together, the clouds above him opening up to focus the heavenly light on him. "The ever beautiful… Sakura-san!"

"Give me a break." Sasuke scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

"DO I LOOK HAPPY?" asked Ten-ten, an axe in her hand.

"Well…" Sakura eyed the axe anxiously. "…n-no."

"I LOVED YOU! I LOVED YOU LIKE A FISH!" Lee yelled. Like a fish…a fish…a fish— it echoed.

Kiba raised an eyebrow. "Really? What fish?"

"LIKE A MILKFISH! A MILKFISH!"

Shikamaru turned away from watching Lee wailed. "Oi, congratulations, Naruto."

"And good luck!" Kiba grinned.

"WAAAAH! I didn't mean to ruin everything!" The poor blonde boy resulted into sulking in the corner, his teeth chattering.

"I LOVED YOU LIKE A FISH!"

The boys grimaced. "Someone…make Lee shut up." Shikamaru.

"Do it, Kiba." Neji commanded.

"HUH! ME????" the dog-boy shrieked. "NO way!"

"I LOVED YOU LIKE A FISH!"

"_Please._" Sasike snarled, activating his Sharingan.

"Yo. Uchiha." The Hyuuuga's pearl eyes studied his or HER features.

With a dry scowl on his face, Sasuke faced him disdainfully. "Hn?"

"Nice legs."

Sasuke jerked. "Go to hell." He spat as though spitting venom. Shikamaru and Kiba sniggered.

Neji smirked. "What happened?"

"Hn." The Uchiha grunted. "Long story." He glanced at his friend. "Oi, dobe." The blonde looked up at him with wide, wide, wide, wide, wide, wide, WIDE eyes. Snorting, Sasuke tilted his head to the side and said unflinchingly.

"You're dead."

The boy stiffened, getting paler. His body, muscular but slim with a narrow waist, shook as though he was holding a jackhammer.

"Gahhh, what a disgrace to men." Kiba scowled. "A shuddering sniveling fool!"

Sasuke continued, "Once she's done with them—"he almost grin. The idiot was looking like he was seeing ghosts making out. "You're a dead ass."

"Well, she's looking at you." Neji interrupted. Sasuke and Naruto glanced at Sakura who was being hit by a frying pan over the head by Ino.

"OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO…" Naruto groaned, shaking harder. "I know that _look._"

"Huh?" Sasuke turned to him. Curious, Shikamaru, Neji and Kiba looked over to Sakura.

"THAT look! _The _Look!" with a shaking finger, Naruto pointed at Sakura.

"What look?"

"THE LOOK!" Okay, Naruto was officially scared. Which is understandable… the girl was a _monster_— ah no, the girl had monstrous strength, monstrous punch, monstrous cooking and monstrous… He stole a glance.

"What the hell's The Look?"

Glint.

Oooh. The Look. The Look that was enough to make arrogant wiseasses recoil to a dark corner in tears.

"Fine. I get it, idiot."

Naruto looked up to him tearfully. "Save me… SAVE ME!"

"Like hell I would." Sasuke shot back flatly.

The blonde shinobi wailed loudly before running out of the ramen stand. Sasuke's mouth curled in displeasure. _What an idiot._

"So, what happened, Uchiha? Don't tell me you reformed?" The Hyuuga's tone was laced with ridicule.

"You ass. Naruto and I sparred. He provoked me into doing his demented technique."

Neji raised a questioning brow. "What jutsu?"

"Sexy no jutsu." He snorted.

…

…

"You liked being a girl?" asked Kiba flatly.

The crumbling look Sasuke gave him made Kiba want to recoil and cry. Even in his womanly state, boobs and everything… SHE is definitely THE scary-faced you-and-me-against-the-world-let's-color-the-world-RED Uchiha Sasuke.

"Asshole. I was stuck."

"Stuck?" asked Shikamaru.

"Yeah." Sasuke looked down to his body. "Something went wrong. I cannot cancel the jutsu."

Suddenly, a heavy trampling, like a giant, a giant _elephant_, loomed closer to them, accompanied by a choking aura.

"WHERE'S NARUTO?"

The boys slowly turned to Sakura. None seemed to want to answer her question. The girl was… Sasuke winced. _…breathing the hell air._

"He's gone." He answered. It was better to reply than get her pissed off. Sakura hated it when no one answers her.

The aura surrounding her thickened. "I said… _where?_"

Sasuke shrugged. "I don't know."

Now, her green eyes glittered. Sasuke, unwilling to show anxiety, forced down the lump in his throat discreetly.

"That idiot…" she breathed softly. "I'll kill him."

"Yes." Sasuke mumbled. "Do that."

Sakura SMILED. Neji who stood next to Uchiha stumbled back. Discreetly, of course.

"Ah, of course, Sasu-CHAN."

Sasuke's face darkened. "Don't—"

"Uh… Sasuke—"Kiba began nervously. Shikamaru glanced at his friend curiously. Kiba gestured wildly at Sasuke. The lazy genius' eyes widened.

"…call me SASU-CHAN."

Sakura's nostrils flared. "Why? You got a problem with that, SACHI?"

"…uh, your skirt, man—"

"That's a fucked up name, Haruno." Sasuke snarled.

Kiba tried to butt in but failed. "Please, your skirt—" he didn't' dare continue when Sakura shot back a reply.

"OH YEAH? What do you want me to call you, huh? Itachi Jr.?"

"Oi, Sasuke! Your butt!"

Neji jerked to face Kiba. "What the hell, Kiba? Don't look—"

"Now, there's where I draw the line." Uchiha growled.

Exasperated, Kiba yelled out. "Oh, man! You got blood all over your butt!"

…

…

"Huh?!" they went behind Sasuke and looked down to his skirt.

"Blood?" Chouji squeaked. "Or…was it ketchup or catsup?"

SMACK!!

"Idiot!" Ino snapped. "That's…" Sakura gasped.

"Oh no… that's…" The girls exchanged looks.

"Hmmm…" Neji cupped his chin with his thumb and index finger. "I see." He said pompously. "You just didn't lose your penis and testes." Hyuuga stated philosophically.

The girls blushed at his bluntness.

"COME ON MAN! This isn't time for those… DAMN IT! THERE ARE GIRLS HERE!" Kiba yelled with a wild blush. But Sasuke got no time to waste to abuse Neji with verbal projectiles. There was something going on…with this body. Something… very uncomfortable.

"What the hell…is this feeling?" he hissed, getting pale.

Sakura looked up to his eyes, biting her bottom lip. "You…"

"What!" he snapped violently. "Something… something's flowing out from me!"

The red tint on Sakura's face increased. "It's—"

Sasuke looked down. "It's FUCKING BLOOD!" Sakura winced at his coarse language.

"It's… menstruation. Really…" she said quietly.

But Sasuke, blinded with panic, was _hysterical._ His eyes turned red as they glared down to Sakura's emerald orbs. "I'm _dying, _damn it! I'm fucking dying in this goddamned body because—"

"You're a girl?" said Kiba timidly.

"Damn you." Sasuke snarled, tomoes swirling. Kiba stepped back, frightened. Sasuke-san was a scary ninja but now, scarier because he's a…girl? Women have scary temperament. And now… Sasuke was one of _them_, the word 'scary' has a new name.

"It's menstruation, Sasuke-kun." Sakura tried to console him but Sasuke looked down at her with a glare and a look that spoke 'instant death'.

"The hell I care about that shit—"

At this, Sakura's temper skyrocketed, hitting the 'danger zone'. All blood rushed up to her head. Her cheeks were inflamed and green eyes narrowed into slits as she roared:

"it's blood! Not shit! It's coming out of your vagina not from your butthole!"

…

…

…

"God… you don't know subtlety, do you, Sakura?" Shikamaru dragged out.


	7. Tada! Here comes the BLOODSUCKER!

* * *

Standard disclaimer applied.

- - -

**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

**- - -**

**Chapter7: **Ta-da! Here comes the BLOODSUCKER! The Great Hokage Tsunade is back and the cure is—

-

-

Sakura blinked, fully realizing the extent of her words. "Well… uh—" she cleared her throat. Sasuke was looking at her weirdly. "I…" her hand shot down to grab Sasuke's wrist. "Let's go!" without a glance, the two of them rocketed out of their sight, Sasuke behind Sakura.

Lee snapped out of his gloomy reverie. "Oi! Wait! Sachi-chan! Sachi-chan! MY LOVE! MY LOVE—"

SMACK SMACK SMACK

Shikamaru sweat dropped. "Jeez… do you really have to be violent with your own teammate?"

-

-

"What the hell's wrong with this body?" Sasuke hissed murderously.

"Be quiet." Sakura answered between clenched teeth.

Sasuke's face darkened. "Don't use that tactic on me, Sakura."

The pretty girl smirked at him bitterly. "Why? Does it feel good to be treated like that?"

"…"

"At least I didn't say "shut up"." She added, looking straight ahead. A man suddenly appeared in front of them, grinning happily at her.

"Heya, sexy little Sakura-chan! Wanna go and watch movie with— WHOAAAAA!"

SWOOSH.

"Idiot." Sakura growled.

Sasuke arched an eyebrow at her temper. However, his face turned slightly green as he felt more liquid oozing down to his inner thighs. He lifted his eyes and gulped. Leaning closer, Sasuke muttered, "Sakura."

The pink-haired hot-tempered girl glanced at him with a narrowed stare. "I said—"

"I'm bleeding to death." The Uchiha hissed between gritted teeth. "And…" Sakura saw him swallow a lump, a trickle of sweat rolling at his jaw. Or _her_ jaw.

Shame.

"What?" This time, Sakura's face showed concern.

The boy— _ahem,_ the girl— sighed shakily before answering in a throaty low tone, so sexy that Inner Sakura swooned, drooling shamelessly—

_SASUKE-KUUUUUUUN… WHISPER MY NAME WHISPER IT!!!_ The annoying pest shrieked.

"It's so uncomfortable."

Slapping her Inner self in the face to make the pest shut up, Sakura sighed, "I know. But—"

"That's a nice chick with hellacious finger-lickin' coconuts!!" a drooling voice said.

"…?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

Beside him, Sakura sweat dropped. "Out of the way, Jiraiya-sama." At this, the dark-haired boy/_slash_/girl shivered. _The hell?_

The Sannin grinned maliciously. "Yours?" Jiraiya asked with a roguish wink.

"You betcha." Sakura replied distractedly, brushing past the Sannin.

Jiraiya's eyes widened. He staggered back, white as marble. "WHAAAAAAAAA— ahhhhhhhhhh!!"

THUD.

"Huh?" The two young ninjas looked back, confused, then down to the unconscious Sannin who was laying stiff in the ground. Jiraiya's eyes were wide and white. A flood of blood was rushing out of his nose.

Curious, Sakura peered down. "Oi, oi— Jiraiya-sama?" But the white-haired Sannin remained stiff as a blackboard, looking up to the sky with a stupefied expression.

The girl glanced at Sasuke. "Was it something I said?" she asked. Sasuke shrugged.

"Let's go."

…

…

…

"Does your lower tummy hurt?" asked Sakura, still holding Sasuke's wrist.

"No…" He growled out.

"Honestly?"

Sasuke scowled. "Just a bit."

"Does it really hurt to be honest once in a while?" Sakura drawled, eyebrows raised in which Sasuke replied with a frightening frown. The girl only grinned lopsidedly.

"You are so unlucky…"

"Shut up."

Sakura twitched. Her grip on his wrist tightened. "SEE? THAT'S SO RUDE! You're the one who wanted to talk— to ask—"

"Damn it to hell…" Sasuke hissed at the feel of pain building up at his pelvis. He looked down to his skirt— _burn it,_ missing the murderous look that Sakura sent his way.

"YES DAMN YOU TO HELL!"

"What?" Sasuke snapped, offhandedly. "Sakura—"his eyebrows twitched as Sakura whipped a finger, pointing it at him, at his _nose_ like a fencing sword.

"YOU LISTEN TO ME—"

"Can you shut up? I'm bleeding—" Sasuke snarled quietly, his brows now in perfect frown that so, so, so, so aroused the traitor Inner Sakura.

_YES! A PERFECT FROWN— a frown of LOVE!_

"Are YOU STUPID? It's menstruating! You are NOT bleeding—" she growled, leaning closer to show him her burning eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you THAT!?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to argue and tell her not to breathe on him. It was arousing—_ no._ It was annoying.

"IT. IS. MENSTRUATING." Sakura emphasized each word, her eyes going larger in each word.

"What the hell is that—"

Sakura blinked then tossed her head back, a mocking laugh resounding from her mouth. "My, my… and you call yourself GENIUS Uchiha!"

Sharingan swirled dangerously.

"Oh, oh! No offense meant, Uchiha-sama… Come on, come on…" Sasuke can tell from her tone and glittering green eyes that she was still mocking him. "It's what they call the **dreaded** monthly period."

Sasuke blinked.

Inner Sakura slobbered. _ADORABLE! LICK HIM!_

Shut up.

"Time of the month? Monthly period. Menstrual cycle." Sakura elaborated. The Uchiha remained staring.

"Oh yeah. PMS."

He blinked again.

Inner Sakura roared. _LICK HIM. NOW._

Idiot.

"You mean… I got to wear a _pad_?"

Sakura tried to suppress a grin. "Well, you can use a tampon too… AKA… BLOODSUCKER!" Unable to hold it any longer, she laughed. "Wow… after this week…you are going to be _so_ fertile…"

Mangekyou Sharingan flashed out at her ominously.

"SORRY! SORRY! Can't take a joke, can you?"

-

-

-

Sasuke rushed out of the bathroom, panting. _The hell!_

"Well?" asked Sakura who leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door.

"Well what?" he snapped. Sakura smiled.

"Don't worry. It would only take 4-6 days. But it really depends on your body."

He grunted.

Sakura's red lips tugged upwards. "I can't believe it… You're actually _having_ a period."

Sasuke chose not to reply. The urge to spit out a fireball was all too consuming.

"…does it really mean that you are a girl…for real? Body and soul?"

"Shut up." He gritted, eyes closed, his brow twitching.

Sakura sniggered. "I don't think Orochimaru/slash/homo/boy-addict would still like you." Her smile turned into a wide, toothy grin. Teeth, gums and all. "After all, he's after beautiful young boys."

Sauske opened his eyes, glaring at her.

Sakura's green eyes flittered mischievously. "See? Being a girl does have advantages…"

"Can't you keep quiet?" he growled, clearly losing his temper.

The grin, if possible, turned wider. Her green eyes were twinkling, taunting him. "I can't." She paused, biting her lip to repress her laugh. "Sachi-chan."

The urge to strangle that lovely neck was too strong so he chose to turn around instead of doing exactly what he wanted to do: SPIT A FIREBALL OF VENOM and burn that shirt, the bra and stare at her—

_Damn it._

"And oh, Sasuke-kun!"

"Shut up." He retorted, turning the knob of his bedroom door.

"Tsunade-sama will arrive tomorrow!"

He froze.

"Really?"

"Yep. So smile and shine, Sachi-chan."

Sasuke's eyes darkened. "Stop it or I'll burn your house."

"TRY IT!"

"Che."

"SASUKE-KUN!" She stomped towards him but her face greeted the wood of his door. "Sexy asshole."

-

-

-

Tsunade frowned, deep in thought. "I see." She murmured, nodding knowingly.

"Well… can you reverse the jutsu? Lift it off?" asked Sakura anxiously.

"Hmmm…" Tsunade closed her eyes, putting her chin atop of her interlaced fingers.

"Shishou." Sakura called.

"Hmmm…"

"Oi! Shi— shou—" Sakura repeated loudly.

"Hmmm…"

Sasuke glared at her pointedly. "Shut up, Sakura."

"Hmmm…"

"What did you say?" the girl turned to him, hissing.

"Hmmm…"

"I said, shut up." He repeated bluntly.

"Hmmm…"

A massive vein pounded. "Don't SHUT UP me! Why are you so rude to me!"

"Hmmm…"

"I'm not rude." Sasuke retorted.

"Hmmm…"

"And now— that's news! Telling someone to shut up is so, so, so, so, so RUDE!" Sakura snapped.

"Hmmm…"

"You're ruining her concentration." He said critically.

"Hmmm…"

"I'm _not_ ruining her concentration, you _idiot_!" Sakura shouted.

"Hmmm…"

"Now, who's being rude?" Sasuke snarled, pissed off.

"Hmmm…"

"You are ruder!" She snarled back.

"Hmmm…"

"You are." Sasuke snapped.

"Hmmm…"

"Telling someone to shut up is ruder! Didn't your mother teach you that?" Sakura fought back.

"Hmmm…"

A massive vien pounded, as large as Sakura's. "Now you are stupid. If only my _darling_ brother let my mother live longer then maybe she'll be able to do so."

"Hmmm…"

"Well, you are old enough to know what manners are, Uchiha! Didn't you evolve from being primitive to civilized?" She sneered, smirking.

"Hmmm…"

"How dare you insult me, Haruno." His red eyes were on, annoyed.

"Hmmm…"

"Yes _I dare_!" Annoyingly, Sakura puffed out.

"Hmmm…"

"You're being stupid." Sasuke dragged out.

"Hmmm…"

Large eyes. "How dare you call me stupid, UCHIHA!"

"Hmmm…"

Narrowed eyes. "I didn't directly call you stupid."

"Hmmm…"

"You did!" Sakura growled.

"Hmmm…"

"I said you're _being_ stupid." Sasuke drawled.

"Hmmm…"

Vein. Vein. "THAT'S IT!"

"Hmmm…"

Smirk. Smirk. "I indirectly imply that you're acting stupid— not really stupid. Got it?"

"Hmmm…"

_WIPE OFF THAT SMIRK! _"Indirectly? In human speech, as long as you say stupid— indirectly or directly— it is RUDE!"

"Hmmm…"

_Are you stupid? _"It is not. I didn't directly call you STUPID."

"Hmmm…"

Larger eyes. "WHAT? That's a twisted logic—"

"Hmmm…"

Wider smirk. "YOU have twisted logic."

"Hmmm…"

The vein exploded. "SEE? You really are RUDE!"

"Hmmm…"

The smirk turned into a sneer. "You're insulting me, Haruno. I'm not stupid to just listen to you talk shit—"

"Hmmm…"

"I'M NOT TALKING SHIT! I USED HUMAN SPEECH!" Sakura shouted.

"Hmmm…"

"Really? Human, you say?" Sasuke snarled.

"Hmmm…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" hissed Sakura.

"Hmmm…"

Sasuke crossed his arms. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Hmmm…"

"You're dead." Sakura said coldly.

"Hmmm…"

"And I'm scared. Really." The Uchiha raised a brow arrogantly.

"Hmmm…"

"YOU—"She began.

"I can't."

They both froze.

"What?" Sasuke hissed.

Tsunade looked up somberly. "I can't help you, Sasuke."


	8. Golly! Golly! Golly!

Standard disclaimer applied.

- - -

**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

**- - -**

**Chapter8: **Golly! Golly! Golly!Sakura's Secret out! Printed in Icha Icha!

-

-

-

Her first reaction was to toss her head back and laugh evilly _hyak hyak hyak hyak!_ But thankfully, Sakura was able to repress it for Inner Sakura smacked her head with a large frying pan.

The traitor Inner Sakura was so loyal to her sex god Uchiha Sasuke.

"Oh…my…god?" Sakura murmured, pale and wide-eyed. "OH MY GOD—"

_THE MAN OF MY DREAMS … IS A WOMAN!_ Inner Sakura shrieked. _NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—_

"Shishou… shishou, _please_—"

Tsunade sighed, her face tired. "Sorry. But I don't know what to do to lift that jutsu off."

"But— but— but—"spluttered Sakura.

The Godaime turned to Sasuke who stared at her blankly. "I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun."

Sakura slammed her hands flat on the desk. "You're a HOKAGE, shishou!" the pink-haired girl argued.

The woman arched an eyebrow. "I know. That's obvious but I'm not a god."

"…!"

"…"

Slowly, Sakura faced Sasuke. "Sasuke…kun…"

"This is…" the tone of his voice scared her. "…going to be permanent?"

"I think so!" Tsunade replied with a shrug.

"**SHISHOU!" **Sakura yelled, pale. Quickly, she turned to Sasuke who turned frigid. "Please… Sasuke-kun, don't give up! Don't lose hope!"

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO— my sexy, super male sex god SASUKE-KUN!!! He's got boobs! HE'S GOT SUPER BOOBS! Nooooooooooooo—_

Shut up.

_BUT MY DEAR SASUKE-KUN—_

SHUT UP. I'M TRYING TO THINK.

…

"Sasuke-kun…"

"…"

She grasped his arms. "Please, talk to me! Together, we will be able to come up with a solution!"

"…"

"Sasuke-kun—" Sakura held his hand suddenly, making Sasuke twitched. "Look at me. Look at me now." He blinked then looked down to her eyes. "You still got your eyes, Sasuke-kun… the feel of your hand on mine is still the same. Your voice is the same… your strength, your skills, your intelligence—"

_My hormones._ He added.

"Your hand… the feel of you." She looked down to his fingers around hers. A small smile graced her lips. "The only difference is… you have boobs."

"And vagina." Tsunade added thoughtfully.

Sasuke cringed.

"But… YOU ARE STILL SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura raised her head to look up to his dark eyes. "_Our_ Sasuke-kun… so please, please… don't give up!"

…

…

"Pfft."

Sakura blinked. "Pfft?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Who said I'm giving up?"

She grinned. "Sasuke-kun!" Startling him, the girl suddenly threw her arms around him, her chest bumping against his. "I promised you. I will help you find the solution! I will never give up! I will turn you back to Uchiha SASUKE— all male and flat-chested!"

"Hn." Sasuke started to feel uncomfortable.

_Damn these boobs! That…that… ARGGGH! I will make sure you will return to your NORMAL body— ohhhh that BODY… _She mentally drooled as the image of chest naked Sasuke flooded her imagination.

…_that sexy, sexy, sexy—_

"Um… Sakura—"

_sexy sexy sexy sexy SEXY—_an image entered her mind. A picture so vivid it startled her. A Sasuke… only wearing his silky boxers, a sexy little black underwear.

"Sakura."

_sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy— _the image gave her a suggestive wink, his wet tongue licking his bottom lip. His eyes were half-lidded and were glinting teasingly.

The mental drool increased, her eyes rolling at the back of her head. _Seeeeeeexy sex god yum yum yum— _the Sasuke in her fantasy slowly dragged the corner of his boxers down to his hip bone, showing pale skin, more of his lower abdomen all the while curling his mouth in a sexy smirk.

"Sa-ku-ra."

_sexy sexy sexy sexy— _giving her a leering smirk, so scandalously sexy, he slipped one hand into his boxers.

Inner Sakura shrieked. _KYAAAA!_

"Sakura."

She blinked dreamily, still clinging to him, her face between his breasts. "Yeeees?"

"Can you let go now?" Sasuke growled, arching an eyebrow.

Sakura blinked. _Sexy sexy sexy sexy— _his hand moved, her eyes feasting on the sight of her dream-Sasuke, on the moving hand inside his boxers: groping, kneading—

"Oh." She giggled, blushing violently. "Sorry." She grinned awkwardly, scratching the back of her head— _sexy sexy sexy sexy sexy— _and his mouth opened in a groan, his hand moving faster—

_sexy sexy sexy BODY!!!!!_ Inner Sakura finished for her, screaming in frenzy, falling over flat on her back, slobbering as dream-Sasuke gave another low groan and a jerk of his hips.

_THIS IS ORGASM!_

Idiot. Sakura thought, sweat dropping.

-

-

-

"TORNADO PUNCH!"

kapow kapow kapow kapow

A shriek. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—"

Bam bam bam bam bam

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, NARUTO-BAKA!" Sakura roared loudly, barring her fangs.

Another round of tornado-like punches assaulted the poor blonde. "Kyaaaaaah!"

"IF YOU DIDN'T PROVOKE SASUKE-KUN—"

"Kyaaaaah! Ouch! OUCH!"

"—THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN!"

Kapow.

Naruto burst into tears, squealing. "Kyaaaaaaaa!"

"Pfft." Sasuke scoffed, standing in the side, watching Naruto shriveled. _Idiot._ What a sniveling idiot. But Sasuke understood. Sakura's tornado punches sure looked painful. Plus, that little body can conjure 'monstrous', 'atrocious' strength. How those punches feel… Sasuke wasn't interested to know.

"So sorry, Sakura-chan! So, so, so, so, so sorry!"

But Sakura's innocent— or once-innocent eyes turned large and red and glittery and gleamy and all, forcing Naruto to whimper and shrivel on his knees.

"SORRY?" her voice, magically and annoyingly magnified into a volume more than a normal decibel filled the bridge.

_I'L KEL U! _Inner Sakura howled.

"YOUR SORRY WOULD NOT HELP US BRING SASUKE-KUN BACK TO NORMAL!!!"

Kapow.

"Kya! Kya! Kya!"

Pant. Pant. Pant.

"Sakura." Sasuke drawled. "Stop it. Naruto's unrecognizable already."

The pink-haired girl straightened up regally, snorting. She gave a grunt before sitting on her rump, flat on the floor of the wooden bridge. She sat rather carelessly, causing her short, black flirty skirt to ride up to her thighs, almost showing her panties. Annoyed, she ignored Sasuke's narrowed stare at her legs and leaned back to the rail roughly, her breasts bouncing at her movement against the thin sleeveless white shirt.

"Idiot." Sakura hissed, crossing her arms under her breasts. She exhaled loudly, extending her leg while keeping the other bent. The posture gave Sasuke a free sightseeing of inner thighs which caused the young prodigy to twitch at the images that flooded in.

_At least I'm not turning into a homo._

"Jeez… Sakura-chan—"the blonde began, rising to his feet from lying face down position but before he could do so and look at white thighs and frilly panties, Sasuke spin kicked the innocent blonde. Naruto yelped like girl and flew down to the river.

"Huh?" Sakura looked up, frowning. "Why did you do that?"

Sasuke only snorted, crossing his arms. "Tch." Sakura chuckled and instead studied him.

"Why didn't you wear the clothes I bought for you?" she saw his eyebrows arched in an annoyed frown.

"What? Wear those _bikini _and skirts like the one you are wearing?" he snapped. "No way. I'm fine with _my_ short and shirts." Indeed, he wore his stoic, totally male _SEXY MOUTH-DROOLING_ (Inner Sakura roared) navy shirt that clung to his upper torso, perfectly molding the fullness of _his _bosom and white Bermuda shorts.

Sakura mentally sighed… _If only he was flat-chested, I would have slobbered over him!_ Inner Sakura smacked her lips, _RAAAAWR!_ She was drooling in her daydreams when loud trampling interrupted her thoughts. The two ninjas looked at the end of the bridge.

"What the—"

"SAKURA-SAN!" a dozen males yelled, crowding around Sakura, arms raised in protest.

"Hey—"Sakura began, quickly jumping back to her feet. Chants of her name drowned her curses and threats. "I'm drowning in the ocean of people!"

"Sakura—"Sasuke called but Sakura roared from the inside.

"DON'T TALK!"

"Is it true?"

"Sakura-san!"

"Sakura-san!"

"Sakura-san!"

"Sakura-san!"

"Sakura-san!"

"Sakura-san!"

"IS IT TRUE?!"

"Is it, my love?"

"IS IT TRUE????"

A massive vein exploded. "What is true?" Sakura snapped, keeping the boys at arm's length away from her.

"My loooove—"

"Don't touch _me_!" she snarled. She was very uncomfortable with strangers touching her.

"But my looooove—"

"SHUT UP AND—"

"So it's true?!" one of them cried out.

Extremely pissed off, Sakura barred her teeth. "WHAT IS?"

Instead, the boys burst into tears. "You are VERY PRETTY, SAKURA-SAN! BUT STRANGELY…YOU REMAINED SINGLE!?"

"Eh?" Sakura lowered one eyebrow.

"NOW WE KNOW WHY!?" they screamed.

"Know what…?"

"My looooove—"

Fire burst behind her.

"NUTCASE!" Sakura yelled, whipping out the largest Fuuma Shuriken she could tow out. "SCRAM TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD BEFORE MY HAND _SLIP_!"

Sasuke blinked and the boys were gone. He looked at her, eyes fiery and large. "Idiots." He heard her hissed before throwing the shuriken aside. Frowning heavily, Sakura plopped down to the wooden planks of the bridge, legs straight and crossed. With a sigh, she stared up to the sky, dreaming of pink flying bunnies, smiling carrots and—

"Good day to you, Sakura."

She blinked.

"Yo." Kakashi was crouching on the railing behind her, looking down to her, eye crinkling in a smile.

Her eyes widened and a scream tore out from her mouth. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—"she crawled on all fours until she was clinging to Sasuke's leg.

"Did I scare you?"

Still shocked, Sakura clung harder to Sasuke's leg, clutching the luscious limb with ferocious grip, her cheek pressed on his leg. "STOP POPPING OUT OF NOWHERE! YOU…YOU…-"

Sasuke began to wince at Sakura's death grip on his leg. His leg began to feel numb. Kakashi chuckled, hopping down. "Sorry, sorry." He blinked. "Who is she?"

A scowl immediately fell on his features— a scowl so Uchiha, so rude, so domineering and downright arrogant. He opened his mouth to reply but Sakura sprung back to her feet and stuffed her fist down to his throat. Dark eyes popped out, mouth gagging and skin turned pale.

"A…a…new friend! YEAH!" Sakura answered, smiling widely. "She's pretty, isn't she? Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty princess?!"

Kakashi tilted his head. "Yeah."

"A—"she scratched the back of her head. "—ha— a— ha— ha— a— ha—"

"Um, Sakura?"

"Ahaha?"

"She's getting really blue."

"Uh?" The pink-haired girl glanced at Sasuke. "Oh!" she retracted her fist and Sasuke keeled over the rail. "A— ha— ha—"

Kakashi only smiled. "Where is Naruto?"

"Underwater." Sakura muttered, gently shaking Sasuke awake.

The pale-haired Jounin blinked. "Oh." Shrugging, he took out his orange book and started flipping through the advertisement pages. He wondered when the next issue would appear. He was ecstatic! Excited! Merry! Happy! Joyous! So, so, so, so—

"Sorry," Sakura mumbled quietly. The Uchiha only glared at her—

—so, so, so

Kakashi blinked. Then, _THUD!_

Sasuke and Sakura turned to their teacher. Their eyes widened in alarm, seeing Kakashi lying down, stiff like a statue. "Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura exclaimed, rushing to his side.

Both of them bent down to their knees. "Sensei!" Kakashi's fingers still clutched the book; his eye was wide and all white.

"What the hell?" Sasuke grunted.

"Puff the magic dragon!"

THUD.

"Finally!" Naruto's voice rang in the air. "LAND!" he cried out excitedly, plopping down to the bridge, soaking. "Huh?"

…

…

Kakashi?

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto screamed, running full speed towards his teacher. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Who killed sensei? Who? Who? WHO—"

_BAM._

"Owwww!"

"Shut up, Naruto!" Sakura snapped, her foot up to his nose. "He's not dead! Merely shocked." Naruto's eyes darted down to pink frilly panties.

Sakura grunted then lowered her leg. Rubbing his nose, Naruto crouched down next to her. "He died because of shock?"

"HE'S NOT DEAD!" Sakura repeated.

"But…but… why is he like that?" argued Naruto.

"Maybe his skull shriveled up because of too much porn." Sasuke suggested flatly.

"Maybe." Sakura glared at Naruto. "Oi, get it."

The blonde blinked at her. "Get what?"

"The book!"

"EH???!" Naruto shrank back, suddenly afraid. "Why me?"

Sakura arched an eyebrow. "Because I said so! You have read it already so your innocence is tainted. So, no worries of innocence corruption."

"What! But—"

"Na. ru. to."

"Gah! No fair!" he crossed his hands in front of his face. "I'm _not _the only one who had read it! Teme already had!"

Sakura cringed. "What? Sasu—"

SMACK.

"Idiot." The Uchiha hissed.

"I can't believe it." She glared at Sasuke accusingly. "You _are_ so tainted."

"Shut up." Sasuke recklessly reached down and tugged the book from Kakashi's fingers. "Tch. So freaking easy to—" his eyes bulged out. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

The other two blinked. "Huh? What—"

Naruto was suddenly at his side. "—is it? A freaking steamy hot sex scene? What position? Who's on top? Lemme see! Lemme see! LEMME—"

A strong punch hit his head.

"PERVERT!" Sakura screamed, blushing. The punch sent the blonde boy reeling across the bridge. "Sasu—"

"It's…you." He murmured.

"_What?_"

He gulped, not taking his eyes off the page. "It's news…about you."

"About…_me_?"

He was, strangely— pale but at the same time, flushed. Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Give it here."

Sasuke looked up, grimacing. "Er—"

"SASUKE."

The Uchiha's grip on the book increased. "Sakura—"

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

The volume of her voice rang shrilly in the air. Suddenly, Kakashi bolted upright, awake. "SAKURA!" he bellowed, his eye sparked dangerously.

"Sensei?" Sakura squeaked.

"WHY? Why, oh student of mine?"

Sakura blinked. "What?"

"WHY?"

"Why what?" snapped Naruto, rubbing his head. Sighing dramatically, Kakashi shoved the book under Naruto's nose. Blue eyes widened in horror.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" he screamed. "You're a lesbian, Sakura-chan!?"


	9. Eruption of Mount Sakura

Standard disclaimer applied.

* * *

- - -

**The Uchiha Mister Blossom**

**- - -**

**Chapter9: The only Rose amongst the THORNS! **_**No, no, no!**_** A rose and a thorn, an idiot and a peacemaker!**

**-**

**-**

**-**

"I'm a _what_?_"_

Naruto wished he had kept his mouth shut. At this moment, what he wanted was to shrivel up, curl in the corner and _die_ right then and there. Oh, why didn't he just keep his bloody mouth shut? If he did, it would not end up as bloody as hell.

Or maybe, his teeth would still be shining, shimmering and glittery. Most of all, complete.

"You _asshole_."

The three males stiffened. It would not be so bad if she was _screaming_ her head off. They can handle that. Very well. But _quiet_ and Sakura? It was never a good combination.

Sasuke, oddly, realized that death is a good friend. A painless… fast death… but the way _she_ was looking at them _right now_— fuck

_It's_ _The Look_.

A look that can send macho men sobbing, shriveling and shaking in the corner.

Maybe death…is not their friendly neighborhood after all.

Damn. Naruto is a walking, breathing, stupid curse.

"Mgggghhhpfff…?" Naruto groaned, hands pressed on his bloody mouth where Sakura struck him with her _bloody_ fist. Fat tears leaked out from his large scared eyes. "Mfffghrghhhwafuuu!!"

If possible, her narrower than narrow eyes _narrowed_ even more and the thick, grisly aura around her thickened, choking the three shinobi. Her eyes glowed like crazy, crazier than mangekyou sharingan and what scared them the most: massive fangs sprouted from her lovely mouth.

"YOU IDIOT!" she screamed, lifted her leg and brought the leg down, demolishing the nearest railing to her. The bridge that held so much memories vibrated at the sheer force of her kick.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME? I'M HOT! I'M SEXY! I HAVE BIG BOOBS! I'M BEAUTIFUL! I'M DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! I WEAR FLOWERY BRA AND PANTIES AND YOU CALL ME…" her eyes turned bigger as she growled. "…LESBIAN!? GO TO HELL AND ROT THERE! I HATE YOU! _I HATE YOU!"_

Naruto burst into tears. "Fufuhhhggglfuuu!!!" the poor blonde cried out, pointing at the Icha Icha. Sakura's eyes glinted, a glint that Kakashi didn't like.

In a slow motion, Sakura rotated her head to where Kakashi cowered, clutching his precious Icha Icha. _"Give it here."_

A loud gulp then Kaakshi mutely and shakily handed it to her, afraid that his student would snatch his arm off and eat it. The kunoichi opened the book, flipping it through the pages of advertisement, then she froze, her features turning to normal.

"WHAT IS THIS!?" she screamed, mortified. Written in _big_ (when it said big, it meant _big_) bold letters:

**Beautiful, hot, big-breasted pink beauty Haruno Sakura is in a relationship! Finally— but look! It's not a plane! It's not a bird— **_**it's a girl!**_

Below the words was a _large_ colored picture of her dragging Sasuke (Sachi) towards her house.

"Oh my god… my reputation is ruined!"

"Mffgghfuwwuu?"

"SHUT UP NARUTO! This is a disaster! Who wrote this?" Her eyes scanned the page. "JIRAIYA?! THAT OLD PERVERT HERMIT! I'M GOING TO FIND HIM AND BREAK EVERY BONE HE GOT IN THAT UGLY BODY!"

_KILL HIM! KILL HIM! TEAR HIM APART FROM LIMB TO LIMB!_ Inner-Sakura roared.

You don't have to say it. I WILL DO IT!

"Sakura." Kakashi muttered solemnly. "Who is she? Who is that girl?"

"Mffftfgghhfuwooo." Naruto said, nodding while pointing at the dark-haired girl.

Kakashi sighed. "She is the ONE?" He asked sadly. The dark-haired girl blinked at him.

Sakura slapped his face with Icha Icha. "Kakashi-sensei! Don't tell me you believe this crap! This isn't true! I'm straight! I'M STRAIGHT!"

Kakashi, yet again, sighed. "There's nothing wrong with it."

"SHUT UP!" Sakura stamped her foot. "I'm straight! Kakashi-sensei, this girl—"she helplessly gestured at Sachi. "That girl—"

"Though I'm very disappointed with you. You are pretty and that girl, too—"

"Kakashi-sensei! That girl is—"

"A god's gift to men, you are—"

"That girl— it's SASUKE-KUN!"

"—with that great body and— _what?_"

"It's SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura bellowed, pointing at Sachi.

The pale-haired teacher blinked. "What are you trying to say?"

"Mfffghrghhhwafuuu!!" Naruto yelled.

Kakashi glanced at the dark-haired beauty. The _girl_ raised an arrogant brow, one hand tucked inside the pocket of the shorts, the other raised in cool greeting. Her posture was bored and…arrogant.

"Yo." The girl nodded once. "Kakashi."

_Thump._

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!"

-

-

And this is why Kakashi never liked brunettes.

-

-

_Noooooooooo! My reputation… the image I cultivated and created for the past 19 years of my life is down the drain! _

Sakura rolled her eyes at her Inner self's rant.

_That white-haired son of a… MONKEY! _Inner Sakura screamed, punching her fists in the air. _I WILL disembowel him with my OWN CLAWS!_

_Ting! _Inner Sakura grew wolverine claws.

Sakura sighed and leaned back to the tree, one arm over her forehead to block the sunlight. Next to her, Sasuke sat, eyes closed, his thick lashes, sometimes she envied, were pressed against his pale cheeks while long strands brushed against his face.

Pretty. Prettier than her. Ah, so unfair.

_ME????! A lesbian!? Are you stupid!?_ Her inner self continued. _I dreamed of super wild hot animal sex with my sex god SASUKE-KUN every fricking night and THEY CALL ME LESBIAN!!!_

Sakura twitched, her cheeks turning crimson. Pervert, she growled. Inner Sakura snorted. _Excuse me! I am you!_

"Shut up." Sakura gritted out between clenched teeth, blushing furiously.

"I'm not talking to you."

Sakura jumped, turning to Sasuke who stared back at her with heavy-lidded eyes.

"Oh. Gomen." She giggled shyly. "I was…talking to…myself."

Blushing, the kunoichi turned her face away, pressing her fingers to her cheek. She dragged her knees closer to her chest while her skirt rode up, showing what was not supposed to be seen. Her panties remained unseen but the exposed skin leave nothing to imagination.

Sasuke watched this with amusement. Clearly, Sakura must have forgotten the fact the he _is _male. But who was he to complain? This _is_ Haruno Sakura, Konoha's hottest sweetheart. The surveys and articles about her were right: those are sexy hot legs.

Before she could notice his apparent attraction to her legs, Sasuke shifted his gaze and leaned back to the tree. "now, what?"

She sighed deeply. "I don't know, honestly. I'm still thinking." Sasuke glanced at her with a frown.

"Why are you so affected with this problem?"

The pink-haired kunoichi blinked at his question. "Why not? We're _friends_. It's _normal_ I'm affected." She replied with one eyebrow raised. Her troubled expression returned, chewing her bottom lip as she thought.

"I cursed the day I sparred with Naruto." The Uchiha grunted bitterly. This made Sakura laughed.

"You should." She said with a smile. When he remained silent, the girl glanced at him and found the dark-haired shinobi staring at her.

"Sasuke-kun…?"

The boy (or girl) grunted and looked away with a heavy frown (_THAT'S A SEXY FROWN! SEXY SEXY SEXY SE—_ Inner Sakura shrieked"It's been a week, Sakura…"

_Now that's luscious…_ Inner Sakura said slyly.

Shut up! Sakura bellowed as she straightened up rigidly in her spot. "I know…" she began. "But don't worry! I bullied Tsunade-shishou into helping us."

Sasuke raised a brow. "_You_ bullied THE Hokage?"

He watched her cheeks go red, matching her hair. "No, no, no! I mean, _persuaded_! I persuaded her!"

With a roll of his eyes, Sasuke replied. "Whatever."

"You know what… I don't get it. Is this ninjutsu or… genjutsu?" she motioned at his body, her forehead creasing. Sasuke shrugged, eyeing his body with distaste.

"The hell I know? Ask dobe. He invented this stupid jutsu."

Sakura bit her lip. _What should be done to cancel this damn jutsu? Is this permanent? But—_

"Ohhhhhhhh (heart, heart!) The lovebirds!!"

The two looked up. Sitting on a branch above them was Jiraiya. He was blushing wildly and disgustedly, he was also drooling. Sasuke heard a sound similar to a growling banshee as his teammate jumped to her feet. With a massive vein weighing her head down and blush on her face, Sakura let out a loud curse followed by a string of insults and threats.

"YOU STUPID WHITE-HAIRED LIAR LECHER! COME DOWN THIS INSTANT AND MEET MY TORNADO FIST! I WILL TEAR YOUR BODY FROM LIMB TO LIMB AND FEED YOUR BLOODY CARCASS TO WOLVES AND INSECTS!"

"Ohh! What a sexy outburst! I didn't mean to interrupt—"

"GO TO HELL AND GET LOST THERE YOU PERVERT!" she snarled and kicked the tree which flew _beyooooooooooond_ the borders of Fire Country.

"Awoooooooooooooo!"

Sasuke who was suddenly behind a tree (a very large tree, five steps away from the disemboweled tree) twitched, eyeing Sakura's fist which was oddly as large as a boulder.

_shriiiiiiiiiiink_! Her fist shrunk back to its original girth.

"Now."

Sasuke blinked.

"Let's go."

"Go where?" asked Sasuke cautiously.

The frightening girl faced him determinedly. "See shishou!" she barked.

"Oh."

"I'm so tired of this crap! If I see one person… ONE, just ONE person looking at me WEIRDLY…" her eyes glowed a deathly green. "I WILL SPIT VENOM!"

-

-

-

_BLAG!_

Tsunade bolted upright. "Un?"

"Greetings, great oh-Hokage." Sakura marched in formally, followed by Sasuke who kept looking at her cautiously.

Tsunade blinked. "Uh? G-greetings… great oh-apprentice." When Sakura reached her table, the girl looked down to her teacher seriously.

"Well, any news, Madame commander?"

_Madame commander?_ Tsunade thought, confused at Sakura's eccentric behavior. She glanced at Sasuke who shrugged.

"What news?"

"About Sasuke-kun's real body's whereabouts."

Tsunade frowned. "…oh?" she scratched her cheek absent-mindedly with one long finger. "…that?" The woman nodded. "Well… nada."

Sasuke blinked. "Nada?" he repeated, glancing at Sakura with a raised brow. Sakura launched a simple explanation, "it means 'none'— _WHAT!_ But shishou—"

"Sakura," Tsunade sighed, "his body is none of my concern as of _now._ Being a Hokage, I don't deal with such things. Anyway, I have something to discuss with you. It's about the mission—"

"NO WAY! Return him fist to his _original_ body before _I_ deal with your missions!" Sakura said.

Tsunade raised a brow. "Sakura… do I look like an idiot! Or have you forgotten WHO you're talking to! I am YOUR Hokage, _girl_!" the woman growled.

"Yes! Of course… since you are _my_ Hokage… surely, being the greatest (Tsunade sparkled at this), you know the cure! Return him to his original body!"

"Why are you _so demanding?"_

Sakura seemed to swell before their eyes. "WHY?" she bellowed. "Sasuke-kun's _a girl!_" she snarled. "It's like having three breasts with six nipples!!"

"SAKURA!" Tsunade shrieked.

"Sakura." Growled Sasuke.

"What?" snapped Sakura, glaring at Sasuke.

Nostrils flaring, Sasuke replied with a vicious snarl, "what the hell are you talking about? It's so shit."

"EXACTLY. You're a genius, really." She sneered, her cheeks flushed. "Hokage—"Tsunade's eyes flashed dangerously. "…sama," added Sakura abruptly. "You have to help us find the cure first before sending us out to our missions."

"And that is to kill Naruto." Sasuke grunted coldly.

"Sasuke-kun can't spend the entire lifetime wearing tampons and bras!" Sakura said, waving her arms.

"Sakura, shut up."

Sakura flushed harder, her eyes glinting steely. "_You_ shut up! I'm trying my best to help you!" she snapped heatedly, her forehead in a heavy scowl.

Sasuke rounded on her, matching her feisty temper. "You call this _help_? You're jabbering."

The girl looked outraged. "Jabbering? You call _this_ jabbering? You ungrateful b—"_itch._

"Don't say it." Sasuke threatened, glowering down to her.

"—astard!"

"Hn." _Better._

"Why are you so ungrateful!?" Sakura yelled.

"I'm _not_ ungrateful. If you want to help, act normal."

A deadly silence followed that statement. Then—

"HOW DARE YOU!" screamed Sakura that shook the entire tower. The tables and chairs rattled at the force of her scream.

"Yes, I dare."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Stop it already…"

"WHY DID I EVEN TRY TO HELP YOU INSENSITIVE MONKEY BASTARD!" Sakura continued with a stamp of her foot. A crack appeared instantly and Tsunade and Sasuke cursed under their breaths. "You are sooooo full of hot air! Acting so high! So mighty! If I don't look _normal_ for you, then TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR, _SACHI-CHAN_ your chest is for all the monkey-men to dream about and that is abnormal!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Stop talking shit."

Sakura barred her fast-growing fangs. "I. AM. NOT. TALKING. SHIT! Why don't I kill you _now!_"

Tsunade stood up, one hand massaging her temple. "Stop it! You yelling caused me a lot of headaches!"

"—YOU ARE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH— _yes, yes, YES!_ You're _a_ bitch and I hate you—"Sakura was yelling, a dozen veins throbbing all over her forehead and neck.

"You better shut up now, Sakura…" Sasuke was saying…disturbingly calm yet there was a wild look in his eyes.

"SHUT UP? ME? ME? ME? No! You listen to my _annoying _voice screaming at you—"

"Silence!" Tsunade thundered but her voice was drowned by Sakura's vehement swearing.

"You are annoying." Sasuke said in a deadly tone.

Tsunade cursed under her breath. "That's very well said, Uchi— DAMN IT TO HELL SAKURA!"

A loud crack then a minute later, the wall of Tsunade's office crumbled. "THAT'S MY WALL, HARUNO!"

"Eh?"

"Not eh! I'm saying about my wall! My wall!" Tsunade shouted. This seemed to bring Sakura back to her calm exterior as she raised her arms in defeat.

"Sorry! Sorry, shishou!"

"MY GOD! Stop bickering and LISTEN TO ME! Both of you will be suspended for a month! Yes, _a month_! I don't care if you're an ANBU ass Uchiha! And you _Haruno _Medic ass! After this mission, your suspension will take effect and I don't care if you get bored, lost or die JUST SHUT UP, got it?!"

"But I'm a medic…" Sakura squeaked.

"I AM YOUR GOD!" Tsunade bellowed. After a few lungfulls of breath, Tsunade sat down, pulled out a scroll from her drawer and tossed it to Sakura. "You will be the team leader and _don't_ look at her like that Uchiha—" she snapped, noticing Sasuke's eerie dark look. "This is not an ANBU mission so you being an ANBU taichou does not apply here. Plus, if I assign you as the team leader, Naruto will be _very noisy_ about it and I want my peace."

Sasuke grunted and looked away.

"I don't have time to explain it all to you. My brain is constipated right now so be gone already!" Tsunade barked, sitting down roughly.

"Well… how about Sasuke-kun?" squeaked Sakura quietly.

"You worry too much, Sakura…" said Tsunade with a roll of her eyes. "You and your voice. Lethal to my ears and health."

"Aa." Agreed Sasuke under his breath.

"…but since you're my most favorite apprentice—"

"I'm _your_ only apprentice." Sakura pointed out.

"Hai, hai… don't interrupt me! Since you're my ONLY apprentice, I'll see what I can do to help your Sasuke-kun." Tsunade replied with a hint of irritation. At once, a big bright smile appeared on Sakura's face.

"You're such a _god, _shishou!!" Sakura beamed, grinning apparently missing the word 'your'. "Arigato!"

"Hai… hai. Make your mission a success, Sakura."

"I'll do my best!" Sakura grinned at Tsunade then smiled sincerely at Sasuke who was rather dumbfounded at her unstable mentality. _How the fuck did she change her moods so easily?_

"Well, see ya! I reckon Naruto and Sai are our other team members?"

Tsunade nodded, adding sarcastically, "yeah… Since they can tolerate your voice."

Sakura rolled her eyes and started going for the door. "See ya, Sasuke-kun!" after that, she ran outside. _BAM! BAM! _"OH NO! Sorry, Shizune-sempai! SORRY!"

There was a muffled scream.

"SORRY! REALLY!" came Sakura's scream.

A muffled scream replied.

"OKAY!"

Tsunade shook her head. "Be grateful. If I weren't so kind to my little girl, you will find yourself a million years of melon tits hanging on your chest rather than a penis. I was thinking that you growing boobs is a punishment enough for your betrayal."

Sauske grunted at this, very pissed.

"But since I'm such a kind soul, well… I'll try. _Seriously_ this time."

His face darkened. "You mean you weren't really _trying_ to help me all this time?" he growled furiously.

Tsunade shrugged. "Well… I was lazy, you know."

_BITCH._ Sasuke thought, angry beyond words.

"Well, be gone already. The sight of you is so repulsive." Tsunade gave him a calculating look from head to toe. "Really."

_Bitch._

-

-

"OI! Sai! Naruto!"

The two looked up.

"Hey! Sakura-chan!" greeted Naruto. Sakura smiled. Too sweetly, Naruto noticed. Sai must have noticed it too, for he stepped back a little, looking at the girl suspiciously.

"Guess what!"

The two males exchanged looks.

"What?" asked Sai.

Sakura grinned. _Now,_ Sai was really suspicious.

"We have a mission!"

Naryuto cheered at once. "GREAT! Some kickass mission! This is my chance to shine! To fly! To roar! To sparkle! To smile! To show my greatness! To—"

"And I'm _your_ team leader."

Naruto and Sai was aghast.

"No way, Ugly."

Sakura looked repulsed. "Shut up, Sai. Since I'm the only rose among the thorns MEANING I'm the only _normal_ among us—"

Naruto turned to Sai with a confused expression. "What does she mean by _that_?"

Sai smiled. "It means one thing, Naruto-kun. Being the only _ugly_ person among us—"

"FLY AND DIE!" screamed Sakura, punching the dark-haired boy up the chin, sending the shinobi up to the sky.

_Twinkle._

"SAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" shouted Naruto to the sky, big tears leaking down his face.

"Well…" came a sweet, sweet voice behind him. "Do you have any problem with me being the team leader… Naruto-_kun_." The blonde spun around slowly, sweating coldly. Sakura was smiling _so_ beautifully, _so_ radiant. Sakura-chan had _never_ smiled at him like that. And it was fucking scary. It was fucking creepy. Naruto fought the urge to crawl back and hid in a place where the sun don't shine. Bravely, he smiled back and shook his head vigorously.

"Of course not! I don't have any problems with that! You know how much I like you, right!" he said very fast.

Her smile grew sweeter, as sweet as chocolate sundae and sugar candy. It was so sweet that Naruto was almost gagging. "Oh. Good. You're so lovely, Naruto…_kun._"

"Yeah? Uh… t-thanks!"

"Now… go and prepare your things. Meet me up in the gate."

"Yes, ma'am!"

"And oh," she grinned and Naruto shivered. Why are women so damn scary!? "Please fetch Sai-_kun_. You know how much I adore him."

"Hai! Hai!"

-

-

Four figures were crouching a top treetops, each wearing dark hoods and cloaks.

"Okay!" a female chirpy voice called out from their small transmitters. The three males winced.

"…let's do it." A dark voice muttered, clearly displeased to be included in the group.

"Hai, hai. Don't be so excited, Sasuke-kun." The female voice snapped. "Let's count!"

"_WHAT?_" the three males breathed through their transmitters.

"I said… let's count!"

"What _for_?" the same dark voice as before snapped.

"Well, are _you _the team leader, _Uchiha?_" the female snarled. "DO WHAT _I_ SAY! One!"

"Two!" a happy voice announced.

"Three." A dull voice dragged on.

"Four." Snapped a dark voice.

"Move out, _flowers!_" the female urged and the figure at the topmost treetop charged deeper into the forest. The three remaining shadows stiffened before muttering under their breaths ("flowers? FLOWERS? Is she crazy?" "Isn't it obvious? She is." "A helpless case, I say."). One shook his head and followed suit.

"This is stupid." The dull voice remarked before following his comrades.

A sigh.

"Aa."

Then the treetops were unoccupied. Nothing but air.


End file.
